Thoughts in the mind of l0oree

Archive for July, 2010

Anything Worth Doing is Worth Doing Well….

I always try to do my best. Looking back I can see where not always my best was my complete best but the best when considering all other things happening at the time.  If I would have done less than my best at the time, I would have failed.

  The year was 2003.  I was in my second semester of  Practical Nursing School. The best nursing school Arkansas has to offer. I was one in 30 of over 400 applicants chosen by way of test score. This practical nurse school has more clinical hours than any nurse program in the state including all degrees. A grueling 30 clinical hours per week, scrutinized by even your appearance.

  The second semester is the start of clinicals.  Three 10 hour clinical days and two days of classes per week. Test taken every class day. One of the classes taken was Geriatrics.  It was a four-week class consisting of 4 exams, taught by the Director of the program.  This semester started at a time when the 162 dollars a month income was crippling me. My electric and water had been shut off at the same time.

  So me and my son went and stayed at the homeless shelter.  I obtained full-time employment at a Nursing Home as a Certified Nursing Assistant.  The pay-day fell  to where I would  work a month before getting enough pay to pay the electric bill.   Employees were paid bi-weekly  with one payday held back.   Starting on the second week of the payperiod, brought the sum total of my first check to only like 50 dollars.  Therefore, me and my son stayed a month in the homeless shelter. That, by the way, charges people 60 dollars a week to live there. It isn’t free like most people think.  I worked night shift then. Then went straight to clinical from work.

 In my geriatric class, I missed one class day because of a transportation issue.  It happened to be a test day. I learned the hard way in nursing school, you can not make up a test. You get an 0 regardless of the reason you missed the test. Even if you are deathly ill, you are supposed to come to the college with a mask on and take the test on the day of the test. If not, you get F, no matter what.

  In this nursing program, you can not make less than 75 percent in any class or you fail.  Well, this made it near impossible for me considering there were only 4 exams; and I had zero on one. That meant I would have to make 100 percent on all the other test; in which, I had already made a 98 percent on one.

  I was not stopping.  I  came too far to turn away.  The professor gave an extra assignment to write a research paper on anything to do with geriatrics.  This paper would count as 100 points like an extra test grade. If you choose not to do it, you only have the four grades. 

The day before due, I moved back to home without the electricity being on two days before payday because my son witnessed first hand a man trying to kill another man.  A man walked up in the mens dorm and  went to beating another man with a 4 X 4.  I decided my son and I could camp out for 2 days better than that shiz.  

 After college that day, I went to the library checked out three books.  One of the books was about the normal aging brain.  I think it was entitled something like The Greying of America.  Anyways, I went home to  no electricity.  My neighbor on the other side of the duplex ran an extension cord to my side.  I took a nap woke up then scanned over the books and chose the normal aging brain theme to write my paper.  In fact, I titled my paper Normal Aging Brain. 

 I became sleepy because for some reason reading makes me sleepy.  I went to sleep then woke up about 9pm.  I wrote non-stop free writing my paper on the back of some old handouts.  I was so poor at the time, I could not afford paper lol. I wrote five pages of small print non stop. I finished about 4 o’clock in the morning.   My son and I then hurried for school for it was a must to  arrive  in time to type the paper before class started.  The paper was due when class starts and  late assignments were not accepted.  I did just that. I am not a very fast typist either.  I just typed it word for word like I had it written.  No time for spell check.  I barely finished in time for class. 

 Well in Geriatrics, I made one zero.  My other test were A’s ranging between 95 to 99 percent.  The professor gave me a 100 percent on the research paper. She even made the comment , ” I like your references and family details to make your points.”  That was the first and only research paper I had ever written.  I made a 76 percent in Geriatrics passing that class by one measly point.  I was so happy. I felt like I could do anything after that.  I cried though because that same class a class mate failed. For some odd reason, she did not do the research paper.  I cried and cried because I could not even begin to phantom what kind of hard times would have made it impossible for her to do that. 

Inside that research paper, I had written about my father, Grandmother, and Great Aunt Goldie and how old age is different to everyone.  Also about memories; there are studies according to the book that the brain’s area for long-term memories increases instead of decreases as you age and also causes the older person to think more abstractly and get the point of literature and wisdom of things that a younger person can’t understand yet. Also it stated the short-term memory area shrinks and so it makes your elders just know things without remembering how or whatforth they know it lol.  So when my mom says “just because I said so”  She has the wisdom well above my years and just knows without remembering why.

  Also  this quote was in my paper from my Great Aunt  Goldie ” make happy memories now, because when you are old memories are all you have left” . My Great Aunt Goldie was a retired licensed Pratical Nurse. She loved life. She continued her whole life doing her favorite things hunting, cooking with the pots on the table lol, she drove, talked on the phone 24/7 to friends, said words like poop, etc… in contrast her sister my Grandmother Ruby never drove in her life, had a business degree but never employed other than babysitting, always said things like putting pots on the table is trifling, and that’s not ladylike.  It was like my Great Aunt Goldie had broken away from tradition in her generation. 

 Well my Great Aunt Goldie died during my nursing school my last semester.  I was almost to the breaking  point.  I could not even miss 5 minutes of class or clinical or I would of failed. Only 3 days are allowed throughout the program.  I had been up singing along to the song Send Me an Angel at midnight. The next day I randomly called my mom and she told me that my Great Aunt Goldie died at midnight the night before.  I believe she is truly one of my angels.  I could not attend the funeral. Not only because of  not being able to miss the class time, I was also too poor for the gas to go; and when I thought about it, I know my Aunt definitely wanted me to pass nursing school.  

Pine Bluff Commercial – Pine Bluff, AR

Goldie Stanley Lewis


What My Father Stole From Me…….

One thing that saved me during the time of my abuse 1977 was Oparah. I was sexually penetrated by my father for a year once sometimes twice a day. Then found out caught red handed by my mother who did nothing but ask me what he did to me.  At the time, I was scared to say anything because father had threatened to kill me if I told anyone.  The time my father molested me he had just retired from the marines, then a four year call back overseas to vietnam. He spent 24 years in the marines.  His latest rank was master seargent. Even a grown-up at the time my father threatened me would of believed it. If you have ever been threatened by a marine corp master sergeant, you might know what I am talking about.  My father could give you a war face that could scare superman. 

I did tell mom that he tried to make me suck his peter. In which at the time thought was the grossest part of the ordeal.  My mom then spent one night on a pallet in my sister’s and mine bedroom.  Then went back to a shared bed with my father the next day.  My father never raped me again, but it did severe damage to my emotions.

Anyways, after school my parents were never home. I would always rush home and turn the television to Oparah.  My brother left in charge never wanted the television until after his homework and studies.  Whom ,by the way, never knew he was dyslexic until college after the marines. Those early shows of Oparah were all I had to assure me that my parents are sick.

Later about the age of 15 my father did apologize to me.  He said he raped me because I was adopted and my sister whom is six months younger is not adopted. I was the favorite child for the most six months because my mom was pregnant at the time of my adoption with my sister whom was born on Valentine’s Day 1971.  My birth certificate says my birthday is August 12, 1970.  I truly believe my mom had that day altered in the court so us girls could be in separate grades. For my mom is an identical twin herself. My supposedly birthday just so happens to fall one week before the cut off to start kindergarten at age 5.  The reason because my mom never had sex with him after my sister was born. I lived 17 years with this sick twisted family.

The day of my highschool graduation, my father threw me to the ground, kicked me and said get out of my house you lazy bum.

My father repented when I was 8. He never did the sexual abuse to me again. I always wonder if he hurt others instead. I carry guilt in my heart not knowing. Thinking that I never did enough to make sure he did not hurt someone else. All I can do now is give it to God like I do everything else in my life. God has answered so many of my prayers. I believe he will answer this one too. Father God please do not let my father on earth hurt another child, forgive him for what he did, heal him from the guilt he feels and please make the world a better place.

I have a victim letter stating he is guilty of penetration.  In 2007, the abuse hot-line opened up an investigation that I never knew I could even do until I was trying to open an investigation for my son whom at the time was living with my parents.


Adoption Questions From the Heart

I grew up with a sister six month younger than me.  She was the miracle love child in my mom’s eyes. My parents were not supposed to be able to conceive according to the Doctor’s of that era.  My mom had been married from the age of 25 and had just one natural-born son thus far.   She had been to doctors to find out why she could not conceive. My dad was diagnosed with being low sperm count.  My parents adopted a baby boy six years after the first-born.  Six years later my mom mourned for specifically baby girl. They applied for specifically baby girl this time.  Parents continued to try to conceive on their own because they had very little hope of being able to adopt a second baby. 

 Well  the miracle happened and mom became pregnant.  I never could understand why my mom that is so highly religious never had faith enough to believe God gave her the baby girl she desired.  I say she is religious because upon graduation from highschool ; she hopped a train. Her dad was a train engineer.  She went to California all the way from Arkansas to bible college.  It was the only four-square church bible college I believe at that time.  My mom has some kind of degree in bible theology.  To me she was just religious, meaning  a form of Godliness denying the power there of.  I  came to that conclusion because when I was pregnant myself I asked God for daughter with curly brown hair with curly eyelashes like her father  and skin like a porcelain doll. I believed God would not give me anything less than the desire of my heart and he did exactly everything I asked for. My mom blatantly did not trust God to even give her a girl much less anything else.  I presume that given the fact that she adopted me on the premise that she wanted to be certain she gets a girl.  She adopted me at a time when she was pregnant and had even forgotten all about applying for the adoption.     You may ask how do I know this?  Because I have asked her about this so many times. When you are adopted you have an unsatiatable curiosity about where you came from and why and whatforths that carry you throughout life to always question your existence.  I don’t know how else to explain it.  I presume again that anyone who does not know their roots can concur what I am talking about.

Well  I was the favorite baby girl for less than six months.  I was already 2 weeks old when my parents brought me home from the hospital.  The youngest picture my parents have of me is 2 months?  I never understood that either.  How can you bring a newborn home for the first time and not take a picture?  I have questioned whether I was actually 2 months rather than 2 weeks old because of this fact.  My mom was a pictureaholic in those days. 

Its weird the way my adoption papers read.  It’s like my birthday is not even correct.  It’s a mystery from day one of my life.  Well after my miracle love child sister was born February 14, 1971 my mom only felt obligated to keep me. You may ask why do I say this?  Because as a  teenager my mom repeatedly said to me, “ Lori Ann I am obligated to provide a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your stomach and when you turn 18 I am no longer obligated to do those things”    To me I felt clearly unwanted by her. This is why I always asked her why she adopted me why?????????? Not only that I am of mixed race and she so clearly is racist it is so ironic.  I look so different from any of my cousins they all have blond hair and blue eyes the shortest of any of them is like 5’9. I am 5’2”  with hair so black children would make fun of me as a child and say my hair looked blue in the sunlight,  with natural tanned skin, brown eyes so dark you can barely see my pupil.  Seems like to me I was actually a last desperate ditch effort to obtain a baby girl by any means possible.

This is my story of how I came to be. I have dug deeper and am trying to discover how and what were the reasons I was given away by my birth-mom. I always used to dream of her rocking me in a rocking chair, singing sweetly to me, telling me my name and how much she loves me, in her hospital room, right after birth, right before; I was snatched away.

The name given to me is one of a kind. The meaning of the name Doreen is Gift from God. It sucks that my adopting mom gave me a name shared by who knows how many? Google Lori Schreiner and lots and lots of people show up, who are not even related.  I even have a facebook friend Lori Ann Schreiner. She laughs too about having german last name and dark brown hair.  

Google me, just me. Doreen Van Assen googled I am the only one.  I used to google these names daily even before blogging or writing in search of clues to my birth family.   This one little thing that my birth mom did, makes me feel so special, in her eyes, that I have never seen.

This is Part Two of My Confessions:

The next manic episode happened one year later. I was living in Corsicana, Texas as a travel nurse. My son was still at my parents. I would talk to my mom and she would ask me what I said to my son to make him cry. The only thing I would say was that I love you more than anything no matter where we are in the world. Asked him if he needed anything. He told me his shoes were too small. I told him I would send a package in the mail. I was worried that my parents were neglecting my sons needs and emotional abuse. I confided in a friend at work. Their advice was to call the abuse hotline. For some weird reason Texas won’t investigate Arkansas. Probably to do with politics and money. Anyway I became manic again not sleeping. This time I was delusional and having auditory hallucinations. It was like I was talking directly to God and he was talking back to me. God told me I did not have those parents anymore. That he was my dad now and he would take care of me. That he made me his direct descendant and my dna goes back to Adam and Eve. That the dna proves who I am. We also talked about Jesus that he was my brother. God has way more children than just Jesus. Jesus was the one that endured so much for everyone. Anyways I was basically just in our world. I went outside in a see through shirt with nothing on underneath I was talking to not only God but demons as well. The demons were trying to pull me down. I actually had bruises all up and down my legs. Well I finally went to sleep and had a nightmare about the end of the world. The dream was like a movie and no matter which way it was played backwards or forwards it was the same peace for thousands of years all that needed to happen was my parents be locked up. I woke up from my dream to my mom ringing my doorbell. I would not answer. Then cops came. I opened the door they grabbed me. Threw me on the ground shackled and cuffed me and took me to psychiatric hospital in Dallas. I  have never ever talked about the hallucinations before. Anyways I was in hospital for two weeks diagnosed as psychotic episode. Both times in the hospital I was there on Halloween, and election day.  At the end of this hospital stay, the scocial worker bought me a bus ticket back to Corsicana where I had left my car and all my things in my apartment.  During this hospital stay I had put my mom on the list of names who could contact me at the hospital and I called her a couple of times while at the hospital.  When I got to Corsicana the bus dropped me off and I walked to the police station and had an officer drive me the rest of the way to my apartment. What happened next was so awful. My apartment was empty and car stolen by my mom.  She had taken all my things to Arkansas.  I tried to get the officer to fill out a police report of grand theft auto. He would not do it.  Then he calls my dad.  Parents told the officer they would be there next day to get me. I cried and told the officer no way.  I was hysterical again. I told the officer I wanted to go back to the hospital. He took me back to Dallas.  I was seen in the ER and given a bus ticket for the day.  The social worker discussed my arangements. I had a friend who lived in Dallas named Michelle. I used to work with her in dialysis in Arkansas.  My mom had all my cell phones so I called her from the hospital and no answer. So I just left on a bus and went to the salvation army. I was going to get in touch with my mom and get Michelle’s number.  She had just been promoted by Davita to train and hire acute dialysis nurses.  She was the one that had already trained me and even though I did not have my RN liscense yet she had already told me she would hire me for 25$ an hour as an LPN.  Next day my mom showed up at the homeless shelter.  She had no clue what my plans were. But I decided to go back with her anyways so I could get my things and my car back. When I got to Arkansas my mom said I had an 8:00 bedtime.  She was very mean and rude to me.  I went and stayed at a friends house and got a job at the nursing home that I worked at when I was first married.  My friend then kicked me out of her house stateing her husband did not want me there. It just so turned out that a girl at work knew someone with a rent trailor.  I had one half of a paycheck. I rented the trailor for 250 a month. I had no furniture or electricity.  My landlord hot wired me to the trailor across from me and lent me a little electric heater. I lived like that until I could pay the 750 deposit to have my electric turned on.  My mom was nice to lend me a single sized blow up bed.  Well since I was back in Arkansas I did the abuse hotline thing again for my son.  That is when they opened up an investigation for me also.  I pimped out that gheto trailor with the nicest bigest screen television, sleigh bed a dressor in which the mirror touched the roof.  Big  nice couch with nice round glass coffee table as tall as the couch.  I was making a home for me in Arkansas.  Two months later I recieved a victim letter stating Andrew Michael Schreiner was guilty of penetration and had so many days to put himself on the offender list.  During that same time period I was digging into my biological background.  I had been asking my mom for a copy of my adoption paper.  She never would get it to me. So while I took the victim letter to Hot Springs, Arkansas for safe keeping it was on my mind to also obtain my adoption paper and store it with my other important documents. So I called my mom up and asked her nicely to give me a copy of my adoption paper. She stated she was in Monticello and did not know when she would be home. Monticello is like just 30 min from her house. So I said will you be home at bedtime?  That I would meet her then. Well when I got to the house to get the adoption paper my dad met me at the door handed me the paper and knocked me down on the conqrete so hard I still walk with a limp to this day.  I still dont understand why he did that.  Well I became slightly manic again. I took the adoption paper to Hot Springs for safe keeping.  My car ran out of gas. An officer asked me if I was on medication and I said yes. I had my medication with me in the car. The officer had my car impounded and took me to the hospital.  There was a sign in the hospital stating services due upon seeing a physician….. so I asked the nurse since nothing was wrong with me and I had no money could I just leave before I saw a physician. She said yes so I left. I was on foot without a car in Hot Springs.  I walked to a friends house and for some strange reason when I knocked on his door he called the police. I was taken to jail charged with tresspassing. I spent a week in the jail.  Got out I was way manic again by this point I had no medicine all that time.  I just walked and talked with God.  He led me to a house I had never been to before.  Turned out to be one of my Associate Degree Nurse classmates house.  I stayed there over night and then went walking on foot again. I walked to the same house of my friend I was going to borrow his phone to call my employer to send me my paycheck so I could get my car depounded.   Called the popo on me again. I went back to jail again for loitering. I stayed in jail for another week.  When I got out this time Iwent back to the college classmates house. I was way manic.  I went walking again this time I was like at a trailor park at the end of a gravel dirt road.  There was this huge opening with a tree in the middle with a big hand made sign that said NO Tresspassing. I went and took the sign down and set it beside an old worn out camper and went inside. It was extremely cold cuz you guessed it it was like  a few days before halloween.  So I left out of the camper and walked to the one nice house in the neighborhood opened the chainlink fence made friends with the pit bull and rockwaller and knocked on the door. I asked the total stranger if I could please come inside out of the cold for just a minute. The man said no and I was walking back down the road. Cops came and asked me my name I  so did not want to tell them my name that is on my birth certificate because I had just been to jail twice already on that name. So I said Doreen Van Assen.  They took me to jail for using a false name.  I was in jail for a week. I was told by the judge that I could use this name anytime I want from now on.  This time my mom had come to the jail and signed to have a psychiatric evaluation and commited to the state hospital if possible. They sent me to rivendale in Little Rock from there I went to Jefferson Hospital in Pine Bluff.  I was there for a week then extradited back to Hot Springs to court hearing over my being found sane not insane. She did all that like always without even talking to me.  Everytime I have been hospitalized she has not once even bothered to ask my Doctor how I am the only plan of care she wanted for me each time is put away without a life.  This was why I once told someone on facebook if I was to treat my own mom how she treated me. My mom would be in jail in a psych ward with the key thrown away never to be heard from again.  With all her most favorite things taken away.  Anyways I got out got my registered nurse liscense and went traveling. I had to get away.  You see my mother is my trigger to the manic.  I have had every psychiatrist tell me to stay away from her as much as possible. It is so hard sometimes when she hunts me down like a blood hound sometimes.

My Biological Maternal Pedigree:

Birth Mother and bilogical maternal Grandmother

This was written by a cousin

Dutch Heritage

*My Dutch Heritage*

 The Netherlands is also known as Holland. It is in Europe, bordered on the north and west by the North Sea, on the east by Germany and on the south by Belgium.

 In the late 16th century a Dutch revolt against the authority of the King of Spain, at the time ruler of what now constitutes the Low Countries, succeeded in the northern provinces, which later became the Netherlands.  The Dutch Republic, officially established in 1648, fell in 1795 when the armies of the Revolutionary France, imposed a pro-French government.

 In 1810, France annexed the Netherlands, but with the defeat of Napoleon in 1814-1815, the present Dutch state, officially called the kingdom of the Netherlands, came into being.  Originally Belgium was apart of this new kingdom, but it succeeded in 1830 and formed an independent country.

 The Netherlands, as its name suggests, in a low-lying country. The Netherlands is one of the most densely populated countries of the world.  The official language is Dutch which spoken through out the entire country.  From the time of the Reformation in the 16th century, the Netherlands has enjoyed a high level of basic education and comparatively high literacy rates.

 The Netherlands is made of 12 providence’s and the identity of each can be traced back to the middle ages.

 My grandparents is from the city of Zwolle is a old city and has much history.  It is surrounded by a river.  It has a great number of monuments. They and the achieves are the

evidence of the rich past of the town in the fields of trade, commerce, culture and

religious activities.  As a Hanseatic town Zwolle had a time of great prosperity in

the late Middle Ages and thus the 15th century was Zwolle’s Golden Age.

 Zwolle owed this prosperity to its favorable situation and to the great trading routes of those days.  As a result of trade and commerce Zwolle became a town of importance from both a religious and cultural point of view. 

Zwolle owed this to five annual fairs and moreover to the privilege of the staple which it had been granted in 1438.  Furthermore the transit trade in which Zwolle served as a place of transshipment was very important.  Thus in the 17th and 18 th Century mainly textiles from Germany were brought to the staple market in Zwolle and in return oversea products from Amsterdam such as tobacco, tea and coffee went to the German hinterland.

 In 1806, Napoleon, through his continental System, put an end to it all. Afterwards Rotterdam took over the role of main port of transit from Zwolle.  In the middle of nineteenth century Zwolle became the biggest railway junction in the Netherlands after Utrecht.

 The medieval town wall built to protect the town area and its citizens, is also evidence of its strategic situation.  What remains of the fortress is rather scattered.  Immediately after 1821 the pulling of walls and gates was started.  The walls were razed and in their place public parks were laid out. 

The star shaped ring of canals and the entirely medieval street pattern makes Zwolle’s street plan into another interesting historic monument .

The Dutch are wonderful family record keepers and their records are full of details.  There records contain date of registration; title and name of the official; name and age of the informate; name, age and occupation of the father; name and age of the mother, the name of the child and the name of the witness just for a birth certificate.

* *


 The oldest generation is  *Albert Van Assen and Johanna Hendriks*.  They are

my fifth Great Grand parents

 *Albert Van Assen* was born in 1745 most probly in Zwolle, Netherlands.

He married in 1765 again most probly in Zwolle, Netherlands to *Johanna Hendriks*.  *Johanna Hendriks* was born in 1750 probly in Zwolle.

 their only known child is *Jan Van Assen* (my 4th great grand father) who was born

1770 or 1771 in Zwolle, Netherlands.  He was a farmer by profession.  He married

*Geridien Kaste,* daughter of  *Hendrikus Caste and Grietje Singel*.

 *Child of Albert Van Assen and Johanna Hendriks*

 1.*  Jan Van Assen*

born 1770/1771 in Zwolle,Netherlands

died 28 Dec 1844 in Zwolle, Netherlands.

 4th great grand father

   *Jan Van Assen* , son of *Albert Van Assen and Johanna Hendriks*.

born 1770/1771 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 28 Dec 1844 in Zwolle, Netherlands.  He was 73 years old.

married   *Gerdien Kaste* daughter of *Hendrikus Caste and Grietje Singel*. a farmer

by profession.

 only known child

*Gerrit Van Assen* (3rd great grand father)

born 28 Sep 1821 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 26 Aug 1884 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married *Gerregien Van Diffelen* (*daughter of Jan Van Diffelen and*

*Zwaanjen Bartels) *on 10 May 1855 in Zwolle, Netherlands.

 3rd great Grand Parents

 *Gerrit Van Assen (son of Jan Van Assen and Gerdien Kaste)*

born 22 Sep 1821 Zwolle, Netherlands

buried 24 Aug 1884 in  Zwolle, Netherlands

married* Gerregien Van Diffelen *

*(daughter of Jan Van Diffelen and Zwaanjen Bartels) *

on 10 May 1855 in Zwolle, Netherlands.


1. *Jan Van Assen* ( my 2cd great grand father)

born   25 Mar 1856 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married *Geridina Van Berkum* on 29 Jan 1891 in Zwolle, Netherlands.

died 21 Oct 1919 in Zwolle, Netherlands.

2. *Zwaantje Van Assen *

born in 2 May 1858 in Zwolle, Netherlands.

no death date known.

3. *Hendrik Jan Van Assen*

born 23 Jun 1862 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 15 March 1863 in Zwolle, Netherlands.

4. *Hendrik  Jan Van Assen*

born  24 Sep 1864 in Zwolle, Netherlands

no death date known

5. *Geesien Van Assen*

born  27 Sep 1866 in Zwolle, Netherlands

no death date known

6.  *Arend Van Assen*

born  11 Feb 1870 in Zwolle, Netherlands

no death date known

7. *Hendrik Van Assen*

born  3 Dec 1872 in Zwolle, Netherlands

no death date known.

 2cd great grand parents

 *Jan Van Assen (son of Gerrit Van Assen and Gerregien Van Diffelen)*

born 25 Mar 1856 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married on 14 Dec 1882 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Aaltje Neuteboom (daughter of  Jannes Neuteboom and Gerrigje Scholte)*.

born 12 Jan 1882 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died  11 Jun 1886 in Zwolle, Netherlands

 their only child known is

*Gerrigje Van Assen*

born 23 Nov 1882 in Zwolle, Netherlands.

his second wife and my direct line

is  *Gerridina Van Berkum*

* (daughter of Jan Van Berkum and Geetjen Kirk In De Vegte)*

this is my great grand mother.

born 8 Jan 1868 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

( Zwollerkerspel was a suburb of Zwolle, which has now been incoorparated into Zwolle)

died 21 Jul 1925 in Ripon, California.

*Gerridina Van Berkum*


1.* Gerrit Van Assen*

born 14 Jul 1892 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married  to *Elizabeth Christina Van Der Ouw*

on 30 Dec 1920 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 11 Jun 1956

2.* Jan Van Assen*  (my grand father)

born 18 Oct 1893 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married to *Klasina Hendrika Ester* (my grandmother)

on 30 Sept 1920 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

died 3 May 1942 in French Camp, California

3. *Gerard Van Assen*

born 9 Jan 1895 in Zwolle, Netherlands

never married.

died 27 Sep 1952 in Modesto, California

4. *Hendrika Johanna Van Assen*

born 26 May 1896 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married *Jarig Klaus Kooij*

( the last name was changed to Kooy in the United States)

on 30 Sep 1920 in Zwolle, Netherlands.

5. *Geertje Antonia Van Assen*

born 25 Jun 1897 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died  28 May 1903 in Zwolle, Netherlands

6. *Herman Van Assen*

born 19 Jan 1902 in  Zwolle, Netherlands

married* Dora Williemina Kooij*

(the sister of *Jarig Klaus Kooij* the spouse of child  4)

on 3 May 1934 in Oakdale, California

died 16 Aug 1961 in Yucca, Arizonia

7.  *Gertrude Antonia Van Assen*

born 18 Jun 1904 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married *Henry Boertje* on 29 Oct 1924 in Ripon, California

died Feb 1936 in Ripon, California

 further in formation on  child 4.

 *Jarig Klaus Kooij (son of Klaus Kooij and Elizabeth Gartzak)*

born 27 Oct 1892 in Asterdam, Netherlands

married 28 Mar 1921 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Hendrika Johanna Van Assen*

*(daughter of Jan Van Assen and Geridiena Van Berkum)*

died 10 Jul 1983 in Ripon, California

buried 17 Aug 1990 in Ripon, California

 *Hendrika Johanna Van Assen*

born 26 May 1896 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 12 Aug 1990 in Ripon, California

buried in 17 Aug 1990 in Ripon, California

 their children

*1.Elizabeth Kooy*   born 26 Dec 1921 in Solida, California

2. *Diana Kooy   *born 4 Nov 1923 in Golt, California

married *Wilson Burtt* in 1942

3. *Clarence Kooy *  born 29 Apr 1927 in Golt, California

married  *Elizabeth Suitill *in Feb 1955

 additional information on child 6

*Herman Van Assen*

born 9 Jan 1902 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 3 May 1934 in Oakdale, California

to *Dora Willemia Kooij*

*(daughter of Klaus Kooij and Elizabeth Gartzak, sister of Jarig Klaus Kooij)*

died 16 August 1961 in Yucca, Arizonia


*1. Herman Floyd Van Assen  born 19 Jan 1935 *

*2. Tillora Henrietta Van Assen born Mar 1927 *  THIS IS DOREEN VAN ASSEN’S MOTHER

 addditional information on child 7

*Gertrude Antonia Van Assen*

born 18 Jul 1904 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married to *Henry Boertje (son of Dammis Boertje and Bostiaant Jedejong)*

on 29 Oct 1924 in Ripon, California

 their children

1. *Dena Boertje*   born   13 Mar 1926 in Modesto, California

married to *Robert O’ Neal* on  15 Mar 1942

2. *Dennis Boertje*   born   15 Nov 1927 in Artesia, California

married *Barbara*

3.  *Henry John Boertje*  born  4 Jan 1930  in Artesia, California

married *Victoria*

4.  *Johanna Henrietta Boertje*  born 22 April 1933 in Artesia, California
married *Fred Cochran* on 14 Dec 1959.

 *My Grand parents *

 _the first generation in the United States_.

*Jan Van Assen (son of Jan Van Assen and Gerridina* *Van Berkum)*

born 18 Oct 1893 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 3 May 1942 in French Camp, California

buried 7 May 1942 in Ripon, California

 married 30 Sept 1920 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

(this was a suburb of Zwolle and now is apart of Zwolle).

to *Klasina Hendrika Ester (daughter of Hendrik Ester and Klasina Eibink).*

born 11 Feb 1898 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 20 Apr 1970 in Modesto, California, USA.

 their children:

1. *Jan Van Assen *born 10 Feb 1921 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married* Francis Begley* on 23 Sept 1944

died on 10 January 1998 in Fort Bragg, California.

2. *Klasina Gerritdina Geetruida Van Assen*

born 9 Jan 1922 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died   19 Jan 1922 in Zwolle, Netherlands

3.* Gerritdina Van Assen (my mother)*

born   24 Oct 1925 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died   29 May 1992 in San Jose, California

married *Richard Albert Thorne Curry (my father)*

on 30 Nov 1945 in Angels Camp, California

*Gerritdina Van Assen Curry       *

*with her husband*

*Richard Albert Thorne Curry*

4. *Henry Nicholaus Van Assen*

born 23 Aug 1929 in Artesia, California

5. *Gerrit Van Assen *

born 2 May 1932 in French Camp, California

married *Daisy Aleman*

on 10 Jan 1959 in Hollywood, California

6. *William Van Assen*

born 3 Oct 1941 in French Camp, California

 My Grandparents came from Zwolle, Overijssel, Netherlands on a ship.  I was once told that my Grandmother* Klasina Hendrika ESTER VAN ASSEN* lost her “cookies”  and threw up over the side of the ship and lost her dentures.  I was told that my Grandfather *Jan VAN ASSEN* brought his family here to the United States under direction and orders of his Mother.  I do know that his mother died here.

 The first born child of *Jan Van Assen and Klasina Hendrika Ester*

* *

*Jan Van Assen *born 10 Feb 1921 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married* Francis Begley* on 23 Sept 1944

died on 10 January 1998 in Fort Bragg, California.

 Their only child was:

*Ronald John Van Assen*

born 10 July 1046

married on 16 Feb 1974 to *Vanessa Turner*

 their children:

1. *Mindy Ann Van Assen* born 27 January 1978         
2. *John Lewis Van Assen *born 24 Feb 1980

 Both my Grandfather *Jan Van Assen Sr.* and his son *Jan Van Assen Jr.* had their names americanized to that of *John.*  My Aunt Fran told me that my Grandfather *Jan Van Assen *was the 15^th with that name.


My mother is *Gerritdina VAN ASSEN* who was born 24 October 1925 in Modesto, Stanislaus, California.  She always told us her birthday was 23 October 1921 but this would be impossible due to the fact that her parents were not in the United States at the time and her birth certificate confirms her true birthdate.  My mother always claimed to be a twin, yet she would not talk about it in front of her brothers.  I have found not a single drop of proof for this twin.  The birth certificate has listed her as a single and the church records have no listing of a twin sister.

 She married *Richard Albert Thorne CURRY* on 30 Nov 1945 in Angels Camp,

Calveras, California.  I believe that they eloped without their familes knowledge.

My mother died 29 May 1993 in San Jose, Santa Clara, California.  She was cremated

and never buried to my knowledge.  I have no knowledge where her ashes may be.

The ashes were given to my sister, *Clarann J. Curry Union. *

 Her parents are *Jan VAN ASSEN*.  He was born 18 Oct 1893 in Zwolle, Overijssel, Netherlands to Jan Van ASSEN and Gerridina Van Berkum.  He died 3 May 1943 French Camp, California.  He was buried 7 May 1942 Ripon, California.

 *Jan Van Assen, Sr.*            

 *GRANPA* *Van Assen*

 He married on 30 Sept 1920 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands to* Klasina Hendrika ESTER*.  Her parents *Hendrik ESTER and Klasina EIBINK*.  She was born 10 February 1898 in Zwolle, Netherlands.  She died on 20 April 1970 in Modesto, California. she was buried 23 April 1970 in Ripon,California.

 My Grandparents *Jan VAN ASSEN and Klasina Hendrika ESTER* left for California in 24 Sept 1924.  He was a farmer.  According to the street register of Zwolle, the family lived in the Balistraat nr. 28 in Zwolle.  Jan was a farmer in both countries.  I never knew my Grandfather.  I was told that he died due to severe burns on his body.  I was told that he was having carbarator problems with his car.  At that time the fuel line was a copper tube.  Appearently the fuel line had a small break.  HE experienced car problems of the car stalling.  He opened the hood of the car and lite a match and the fumes of the gasoline ignited and burnt him and he died due to the burns.  My uncle their youngest child was only 6 months old at the time of his father’s death.  I have not taken the time to confirm this yet.  He was 48 years old at the time of his death.

*Jan* was naturalized in 1939-1940 in Stockton, California.   They were members of a Dutch reformed church.  I was told that they helped start one in Ripon California.  I have not been able to find out the specifics of what the doctrines of this church is.

 My Grandmother *Klasina Hendrika Ester* was naturalized about 1942 in Modesto, California.  My Grandmother was know to play practical jokes and have a good old time.  I do not have alot of personal memories of her.  I do remember that she spoke in a mixture of Dutch and English.  I believe that she spoke in Dutch so “little ears” could not understand.

I remember that one time my Grandmother sat me on her lap and told me I could choose anything from the toy catalog in front of me.  I remember my mother being angry for my grandmother’s “spoiling”.  My Grandmother said something sharply in dutch and my mother never argued the point again.  I remember choosing some type of doll.

 I was told that my Grandmother helped arrange for the pulling of some hay wagons into town and blocking the main street with them on some Halloween night.

I remember after her last surgery for stomach cancer that she was in the hospital. I was told I could not enter because I was under 16.  But the nurse let me come to the door of my Grandmother’s room.  Where I found her teasing the doctor that as soon as she was well, he had to take her out on a expensive date.  She died shortly after that.  She was the only Grandparent I ever really knew.  My Grandmother Curry died when I was 3 and I have no personal memories of her.  Both Grand Father’s were deceased prior to my birth.

 My Grandmother was buried next to her first husband *Jan Van Assen* in the Ripon City Cemetery.  I now do not remember much about the funeral.  At some time after my Grandfather died, *Klasina Hendrika Ester Van Assen* remarried to Mr. *Lippe Woudstra* whom was a widower.  They married in 1953 according to the copy of church records I have from Calvary Reformed Church.   My mother once  mentioned step-brothers.  It was noted in the Church records that they separated. *Mr. Woudstra* died on November 24, 1959.

 *Van Berkum family*

 *My great grandmother*

*Gerridina Van Berkum*

born 8 Jan 1868  in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

died 21 Jan 1925 in Ripon, California, USA.

married 29 Jan 1891 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Jan Van Assen (son of Gerrit Van Assen and Gerriegien Van Diffelen)*

 my 2cd great grand parents

 *Jan Van Berkum *

*(son of  Teunis Van Berkum and Gerridiena Visscher)*

born 22 May 1840 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

died 28 Nov 1906 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married  25 Apr 1867 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

to *Geertjen Kijk In De Vegte*


*(daughter of Jan Kijk In De Vegte and Gerrigien Bergkamp)*

 their children

1. *Gerridina Van Berkum (my great grandmother)*

born 8 Jan 1868 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

died 21 Jul 1925 in Ripon, California

married 29 Jan 1891 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Jan Van Assen*

2.*  (female)Van Assen*

born 25 Apr 1885 in Zwollekerspel, Netherlands

died 25 Apr 1885 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

 *my 3rd great grand parents*

 *Teunis Van Berkum*

born 1798 or 1799  most probly in Zwolle

married 1830   to *Gerridiena Visscher*

* (daughter of  Derk Visscher and Egberdina Van Der Klok)*

born 1801 or 1802 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 21 Jan 1864 in Zwolle, Netherlands

 their only known  child

1. *Jan Van Berkum* (my 2cd great grandfather)

born 22 May 1840 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

died 28 Nov 1906 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 25 April 1867 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

to *Geertjen Kirk In De Vegte*

 *Maternal lines*

*Ester Family*

 the first known generation

*5th great grand parents*

 *Lenns Lourens Ester*

born 1700 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 11 Jan 1722 in Juchen , Netherlands

to *Christina Gerresheim*

born 1700 in Zwolle, Netherlands


1. *Johannes Peter Ester*

born Oct 1722 in Otzenrath, Netherlands

Christened 4 Oct 1722 in Otzenrath, Netherlands

died 13 Mar 1789 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

married  30 Sep 1753 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Dirkje Hastermans*

2. *Adam Ester (my 4th great grand father)*

born  Aug 1730 in Otzenrath, Netherlands

christened 20 Aug 1730 in Otzenrath, Netherlands

died 13 Oct 1783 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

married  12 Aug 1765 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Grietje Evevelt *

 *my 4th great grand parents*

 *Adam Ester  (son of Lenns Lourens Ester and Christina Gerresheim)*

born  Aug 1730 in Otzenrath, Netherlands

christened 20 Aug 1730 in Otzenrath, Netherlands

died 13 Oct 1783 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

married  12 Aug 1765 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Grietje Evevelt*

born 1745 in Dalfsen, Netherlands

died 7 Feb 1824 in Zwolle, Netherlands


1. *Lourens Ester*

born 13 Oct 1765 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died  14 Mar 1847 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married to *Catharina Bonsink *

on  25 Aug 1794 in Zwolle, Netherlands

2. *Hendrik Ester ( my 3rd great grand father)*

born 20 Nov 1766 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 20 Feb 1837 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married  on 23 Jan 1802 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Willemina Willems*

3.  *Christina Ester*

born 1 Sep 1768 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 25 Nov 1846 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 23 Nov 1801 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Gorus Van Hoven*

4.* Hendrina Ester*

born 5 Aug 1770 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 22 Feb 1831 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 29 Apr 1798 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Berend Van Berkum*

5. *Elisabeth Ester*

born  2 Feb 1772 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died  in 1809 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 1 Nov 1806 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to* Frederik Bouwmeester*

6.* Jan Ester*

born 12 Jan 1774 in Zwolle, Netherlands

christened 16 Jan 1774 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 24 Sep 1809 in Zwolle, Netherlands

7.  *Willem Ester*

born 15 Nov 1775 in Zwolle, Netherlands

christened 19 Nov 1775 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 6 Mar 1853 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 18 Dec 1803 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Geertje Eikenaar*

8. *Gerrit Ester*

born 24 Dec 1777 in Zwolle, Netherlands

christened 25 Dec 1777 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died in 20 Mar 1854 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 8 May 1803 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to* Geesien Timmermans*

9. *Frederik Ester*

born  19 Jan 1780 in  Zwolle, Netherlands

christened 21 Jan 1780 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 24 Nov 1868 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 31 Dec 1813 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to* Clazina Van Lenthe*

10. *Jannes Ester*

born 21 Dec 1718 in Zwolle, Netherlands

christened 23 Dec 1718 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 30 Jan 1848  in Zwolle, Netherlands

married to *Roelofje Lucas*

on 4 Mar 1814 in Zwolle, Netherlands

 *3rd great grand parents*

 *Hendrik Ester ( son of Adam Ester and Grietje Elevelt)*

born 30 Nov 1766 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 20 Feb 1837 in Zwolle, Netherlands

buried 23 Feb 1837 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married on  23 Jan 1802 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Willemina Willems*

born in 1777

died 13 Jan 1832 in Zwolle, Netherlands


1. *Adam Ester*

born 9 Feb 1802 in Zwolle, Netherlands

christened 14 Feb 1802 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 14 Apr 1804 in Zwolle, Netherlands

2.* Adam Ester*

born 19 Nov 1804 in Zwolle, Netherlands

christened 21 Nov 1804 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died  24 Mar 1832 in Axel, Netherlands

3 *Willem Ester*

born 19 Dec 1806 in Zwolle, Netherlands

christened 21 Dec 1806 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 24 Feb 1887 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married on 24 Jun 1830 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Janna Schut*

4.* Hendrik Ester  (my 2cd great grand father)*

born 8 Jan 1809 in Zwolle, Netherlands

christened 9 Jan 1809 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died in 28 May 1857 in Zwolle, Netherlands

Married 7 May 1834 in Zwolle, Netherlands

5. *Elizabeth Ester *

born 14 Nov 1812 in Zwolle, Netherlands

 *2cd Great Grand parents*

 *Hendrik Ester*

born 8 Jan 1809 in Zwolle, Netherlands

christened 9 Jan 1809 in Zwolle, Netherlands

buried 28 May 1857 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 7 May 1834 in Zwolle, Netherlands

on  *Roelofje Bos *

*(daughter of Herman Gerrit Bos and Berentien Willems)*

born 8 Apr 1810 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 13 Apr 1857 in  Zwolle, Netherlands


 1. *Willemina Ester*

born 31 Aug 1834 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 22 Mar 1906 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

married  8 Apr 1858 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

to* Gerrit Van Olst*

2.* Harm Ester*

born 24 Dec 1836 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 5 Jun 1919 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 12 Nov 1863 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

to  *Grietje Mensink*

3. *Berend Ester*

born 5 Mar 1840 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 13 May 1840 in Zwolle, Netherlands

4. *Berend Ester*

born in 5 Jan 1842 in  Zwolle, Netherlands

died  in 10 Oct 2845 in Zwolle, Netherlands

5. *Hendrik Ester   (my  great grand father)*

born 12 Oct 1843 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 28 Jan 1907 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 26 Nov 1868 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to*  Aaltje Hulsebosch (first wife)*

6.* Willem Ester*

born 17 Jan 1846 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 28 Mar 1918 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 7 Aug 1873 in Zwolle, Netherlands

7.* Berend Ester*

born in 17 Jan 1846 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 3 Mar 1891 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 12 Nov 1874 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to* Gerartina Aleida Van  Keppel*

8. *Adam Ester*

born 13 Jun 1848 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died in 3 Apr 1892 in Heino, Netherlands

9. *Johannes Ester*

born 14 Aug 1850 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 16 Dec 1858 in Zwolle, Netherlands

 *my great grand parents*

 *Hendrik Ester*

born 12 Oct 1843 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 28 Nov 1907 in Zwolle, Netherlands

first marriage 26 Nov 1868 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

to *Aaltje Hulsebosch (daughter of Hendrik Hulsebosch and Jennigjen Van Haarst)*

born 7 Apr 1848 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

died 4 Jun 1895 in Zwollerkerspel, Netherlands

they had 14 children.

 *His second marriage  *

*Klasina Eibink (my great grand mother)*

daughter of *Jan Nelis Eibink and Fenna Kolk*

born 16 Nov 1856 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 27 Jan 1933 in Zwolle, Netherlands

 *Klasina Eibink Ester*

 their children:

1. *Jan Harm Ester*

born 19 Aug 1896 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 24 Dec 1896 in Zwolle, Netherlands

2. *Klasina Hendrika Ester (my grandmother)*

born 11 Fen 1898 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 20 Apr 1970 in Modesto, California, USA.

married 30 Sept 1920 in Zwolle, Netherlands

to *Jan Van Assen*

3. *Jantje Ester*

born 10 Nov 1900 in Zwolle, Netherlands

died 12 Mar 1985 in Zwolle, Netherlands

married 27 Aug 1925 in Oldebroek, Netherlands

to *Berend Jan Van Den Bosch*

 at this time I have no information on the *Eibink family.*


 * VAN ASSEN      ESTER       EIBINK      VANBERKUM  Families       *

 Achieve Records of Overijssel, Netherlands

Personal Records of *BB Ester*

Personal Information

Personal Accounts given to me by others

Calvary Reformed Church Records

Ripon Memorial Chapel Records

1st  Christain Reformed Church Records

 *Gerritdina Van Assen* ‑ 
birth certificate

social security card

memorial card

marriage certificate to *Richard Albert Curry*

 *Hendrieka Van Assen *

Memorial Cards

Cementery Records

 *Nick Kooy*    
Memorial Card

 *Gerrit Van Assen*

Marriage announcement










These Are My Confessions


 I have been through so much in my life starting out at being given away at birth.  I have experienced four hospitalizations for mental illness.  The first time age 22 for depression.  The trigger was my mom. My husband was out-of-town working a construction job.  My baby girl was one years old and I was in nursing school at the time.  Well my daughter had chronic ear infections so her doctor prescribed cardac every time for when she got the allergy symptoms every time before the ear infection. The doctor told me to always watch out for a reaction to the cardac.   I took my baby to her sitter she was cranky and not her usual. Carolyn always knew her as well as me because she took care of her from the time she was a newborn.  When I got home from college to pick her up, Carolyn stated she gave her a dose of the cardac and some Tylenol.  I went home, and about  four hours later she ran a low temp.  I gave her another dose of Tylenol and cardac.   Less than 30 minutes later my baby woke up screaming.  She was burning with fever.  I took her temp it was 105 and the thermometer had still not beeped. I did not wait that long. I grabbed the diaper bag threw the medicine in the bag and took off walking.  My baby was limp in my arms like a newborn and open mouth pant breathing.  It was wintertime, and I just took off walking with her in just a onsey and diaper to the neighbor’s front door.  I had no telephone at my house, no car, my husband was out-of-town.  The neighbor did not answer the doorbell.  I took off walking toward my mother in-laws house. Cars kept passing me by. Finally, the paper route lady stopped and drove me to my mother in-laws.  When I got there, I took my baby’s temp it was 103.6 after putting her in a tepid bath and soaking her hair.

I called my mom from there because my mother in law does not have a car or a driver’s liscense for that matter.  My mom said she would come get me after while.  I called the hospital emergency room and explained my daughters symptoms. They told me to keep my baby cooled like I was doing. I was frantic. I called my sister-in-law whom had been to college for child care.  She told me she would get her to the emergency room. I called my mom and told her what D said.  My mom finally came.  She was driving us to hospital with my daughter limp in my arms again like a rag doll. We were going the back route where  mom usually speeds.  This time she was going less than the speed limit of 40.  I said,” mom can you please go a little faster?”  She then slammed on her brakes and said,” I can go even slower”. 

 Needless to say, when we got to the hospital I was talking in word salad and could not stop crying.  They admitted me to the psych ward.  The psychiatrist subscribed me the medication Paxil after trying buspar that did not work for me. It caused my jaw to lock shut and tongue to swell up and I drooled. The psychiatrist said I was allergic to the buspar. The Paxil worked; I stopped crying finally.  My diagnosis  being childhood dissociation.

I am still not clear to what that means.  But the basis of my problems emotionally stem from me being molested by my adoptive father at the age of seven everyday for a year of my life. My mom caught my dad and did not do anything about it although the molestation did stop after that.  When I got out of the hospital, I took my dad with me to therapy.   He admitted on taped interview everything I said was the truth.  As a grown adult, I opened an abuse case against my father and have a victim letter stating he is guilty.  My mom so whacked she denies everything and even tells me I am just imaging things.

During the second hospitalization, the psychiatrist diagnosed me with hypomania.  This was October 2004 I had graduated LPN school was working in dialysis. I had not taken state boards yet. I was living in a new apartment paying for everything myself on 8 dollars an hour income.  I came to hard times decision  to either buy toilet paper and household supplies or be late with the rent.  I chose the toilet paper because I had gone through so long on like one washing detergent per month and such going through nursing school.  

I gave my landlord only half the rent so I could afford toilet paper and  came home from work to my door being taken off its hinges with a note saying if you want your door back pay me my rent.  My neighbor is witness to this door being off and also Neicy, the neighbor that I lived beside in nursing school. She was with me that day.   I called the landlord.  He came and I gave him all the money I had left and told him I would pay the rest that friday on payday.

Well when friday came he did not show up.  I had a baby shower to attend. When I came home, there was another  note saying do I need to take your door off again?  So, I started moving putting my stuff in the car and moving it to my friend’s grandfather’s back house. I made the mistake of calling my mom and leaving a detailed budget on her answering machine because she would not answer the phone. My mom showed up at my house saying “get the behind me satan” I pushed her out the door and locked it. I did not need the extra stress. 

The landlord then left an eviction letter on the door. I called up the landlord said I am not breaking the lease.  You are the one breaking the lease. I will stay and pay you your money. He then said I could move without paying the lease. lol. Then my mom came and got me in her car. She was taking me to her house  90 miles out-of-town. Me telling her no I have to work next day. I was working in dialysis still in training.

When we get to a red light, I reached to open the door to get out. My sister in back seat caught the door. Parents pulled up in liquor store parking lot to buy coke while sister called paramedics to come get me.  My mom told them I tried to jump out the van. The ambulance took me to the emergency room. The ER doctor stated that I could go home with someone staying with me. So my parents took me home and left my sister there. I was up all night packing. I woke her up to ask to use her cell phone to call my friend. She called the police on me. Then I went to jail.  Because when the police got there, I slapped her when  I realized she called the popo on me.  I wanted to tell the cop to get her out of my house.

I stayed in jail until monday. They took me to the ER then to a psychiatric hospital.  The same Monday  papers were served to me with my mom having custody of my son. I slapped my sister in my own yard and went to jail for that. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks .  My boss was so sweet she gave me my sick leave and vacation pay. I never missed a pay check. The psychiatrist made a diagnosis of hypomania.  I was there two weeks because medicine does not agree with me.

Depakote broke me out in hives.  Seraquel made my heart race and beat 150 bpm.  Finally, trileptal worked.  While I was manic, I did stress relieve things over and over like take 5 bubble baths a day, exercise, pray, eat more. I don’t know why but I felt like I was going to die like my heart was going to stop. After going to jail, while at the ER, my potassium was critical low, only 2.2. The diagnosis being hypokalemia of unknown etiology.   I have always wondered why my potassium was so low?

Hypomania is like the world is spinning too fast to catch up. Anxiety, fear,stress motivate you to try to do the almost impossible. You feel like you will die if you don’t get it accomplished. It is a very hard thing to explain. you talk in word salad, because your thoughts are going to fast for your mouth to speak them.  If you don’t clear your brain of those thoughts you lose total control of yourself. It’s like your body will actually start to shut down trying to survive the stress. I believe stress can kill you. I will write more on  the next two hospitalizations later.



My Resume:

I am currently a Registered Dialysis Nurse.  I enjoy saving lives. I have experience with acute and chronic. I am interested in a full-time position in management.  Location preferably in a springtime climate but would consider any location.

Work experience:

May 15, 1988 to 1991 full-time nanny to niece and nephew-  I loved this job the most of any job ever.

pay 70$ per week plus room and board.

1988 to 1989

 County Market

  Main Street

  Pine Bluff, AR

 position: cashier, pay minimum wage 5.50 per hour,  I enjoyed the job was only part-time they would work me only 30 hours per week and it was dangerous.  Many rapes, murders stabbings happened in that parking lot.  I would always have the officer guard on duty walk me to and from my car. 

1988 to 1989

Mid South Adjustment Co. (collection agency)

position: Secretary, I was mainly in charge of the whiteout, changing the addresses on the millions of non-paid bills

I enjoyed this job also was only part-time though only 30 hours per week.  Slightly dangerous outraged bill recipients would come up to the bullet proof window  on occasion.



The Ray Clinic of Chiropratic

position: Chiropratic Assistant, front desk, scheduling, dictation, therapy, x-ray developer, painting, cleaning

This was my first full-time job ever I loved it except it was owned by my cousin.  Never work for relatives they expect you to do everything for nothing in return.  Pay was salary 142 dollars a week. Most weeks worked like 60 hours.  Cousin even had me working when the office was closed and he was away at a seminar changing light bulbs and painting.

1989 to 1990

Senator Knox Nelson position Secretary, dictation,I went everywhere the Senator went to write down whatever he wanted written down. Some times did errands for one of his two companies Knox Nelson Oil Company or Arkansas Marketers. Errands included anything from picking up a 70,000 dollar check from a broker to getting paper to making coffee to taking his car to the car wash. This job ended when Senator Knox Nelson did not get re-elected.


1990  various jobs:  Sonic Drive In, Furniture store that was going out of business for real, Telemarketer, JCPenny make up department, then finally Certified Nursing Assistant

1990 to 1993 Gardner’s Nursing Home

                             Star City, Ar

I loved this job. I found my calling. I knew from this job I was going to become a nurse. While working there I had my first child. I found out I was pregnant on my 21st birthday same day I received my acceptance of pell grant in the mail for college.  I threw the pell grant in the trash and had my baby girl continued to work the job I loved.  The next year I enrolled in Practical Nursing School. I married during spring break of that year.   Two weeks after marriage husband lost job. I quit nursing school and the job that I loved and went to work at

1993 to 1998   Burlington Industries

 position: inspector, I inspected scatter rugs for quality and prepared them for shipping, I also did the prestock. I was responsible in coordinating all departments to speed up making the rugs already sold.

pay:8.50 an hour most pay I ever made in my life up till then.  Well husband never obtained job in five years. I supported my family.  I asked hubby why no job? He stated that there was no day-care for the children at the hour he would have to be at work so I quit.

1998 to 1999  housewife, mother- the best job ever created

1999 to 2000 Pathology Associates

                              contracted to FDA National Center for Toxilogical Research

position: Lab Technician Trainee,  performed necropsy on rats and mice and prepared them for histology, on the job training, this job was way cool.  I quit because my family moved 100 miles away. I drove it for a few weeks but that got old quick.

 housewife again for a short period then divorce and full-time mom and college student 2000 to 2004

2004 National Park Community College

             Practical Nursing Certificate

2004 Oauchita Regional Dialysis Center the coolest job ever working with the most amazing people ever

2005 Gardendale Nursing Home while continuing to work dialysis on Saturdays while attending college full-time during summer semesters

2006 National Park Community College

             Associate Degree of Nursing

2006 quit my dream job because it paid too little was only making 12 and hour to save a life so I went  traveling making twice that amount





Way To Go, Unions – Nothing Like A Few Overpaid People To Keep Jobs From the Rest (via The Rantings of Vern Rigg Kaine)

Reposting from The Rantings of Vern Kain…. my coments under his post

Now, I know the unionites will call someone a “scab” for caulking a window frame without a union agreement, but really – it’s caulking a window frame. Is that kind of job so complicated as to justify $25/hr + $5 in benefits when the market will pay $15? Read more here… … Read More

via The Rantings of Vern Rigg Kaine

The Government Thrives On Helplessness (via The Rantings of Vern Rigg Kaine)

This is a repost from The Rantings of Vern Kain.. my comments are under his post

Think about it: the more helpless people feel, the more power they give the government to try and take those feelings away. The more power people give it, the bigger government gets. The bigger government gets, the more it tries to make people feel helpless. The reason? Its own survival. If the government were actually solving problems by getting bigger, then problems would actually get solved and people would get to the point where they weren’t … Read More

via The Rantings of Vern Rigg Kaine

Thoughts on Marriage


Marriage is the binding together of two people until death or divorce. The marriage ceromony shows the world that you are committed to this person  and also celebrates this union. It is one of the happiest days of your life.  I am blessed to have been married once.  I was married for nine years. He had come into my life at a time when I felt like I was damaged goods. I was 21 years old and a single mom.  I felt so loved because he did things for me that no one ever in my life had.  I was in LPN school living  on my own in my own apartment working as a Certified Nursing Assistant.  He was smart and fun to be with. He always made  me smile. We made deams together and decided to marry. We married the friday of springbreak March 26th 1993.  After the wedding ceromony, he no longer did any of those things and became mean  and obsessive and lazy, and was bad going to jail time and again and never pursued any of the dreams we had made together.  I really tried the hardest I could to stay married. I supported us finacially for six out of nine years of marriage me giving my check to him to  oversee the bills.  He would spend the money on drugs and alcohol.  I paid for him to go to drug rehab not once but twice.  He just got worse staying out all night me worrying praying for his safety cuz I still had love for him even though he so bad.  He had affairs no proof but a wife can just know especially since we had been together for nine years never apart sex everyday you just know.  He never admitted to it.  I still stayed unhappily married. Then one day he started telling me I was stupid because I had just misplaced the foodstamp card. I told him I was anything but stupid and that the card was not lost just misplaced because I had not gone anywhere how could I he never left me any car at the house. In fact I never drove hardly even when I was the only one working. Somehow he must of disagreed with me saying I was not stupid because he hit my face and knocked the glassed off so hard the nose piece came off.  That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was not going to be verbally abused or physically abused in a marraige that is suppose to be happily ever after. I had enough of that as a child from my parents. So I prayed to God that he would make a way of escape.  The next week on July 4th my husband got a ticket for DWI and suspended drivers liscence , and speeding he was going 92 on the interstate with a case of beer.  He went to a jail this time in Pine Bluff .  He tried his usual lie to them of heart disease. this time the lie did not work for him to get out. I went and visited him at the jail got his paycheck then found a rent house was moving me and my kids by myself and on the way to make a load husband was walking down the road. He had made  a deal to be on house arrest.   Well he moved with us.   He  neglected to pay the regstration fee for the ankle bracelet. About two weeks later, he got another speeding ticket and back to jail he went. This time I got an order of protection from the circuit clerks office. Stayed at my sister-in -laws house and applied for subsidized housing in a little town Rison, Arkansas population 1200.  This was the year 2001. 2002 are divorce final. I was a loving faithful wife for nine years. 

Well the celebration part was the best part.  I dream of a day I can marry my love Reg with a celebration that lasts forever.