Thoughts in the mind of l0oree

Archive for September 7, 2010

Breaking the Bank Once Again


I am back.  I have not posted anything lately because my computer has been at the repair shop.  Best Buy had to send it to the manufacturer for a new hard drive.  Well I needed a computer to renew my Nursing license.  Without it I can not work.  So I broke my bank again to buy another lab top.  It’s all good though.  Now,  when the broken one comes home repaired my son will have his very own laptop.  Which was something I had planned anyways.  Who would have ever figured on a lab-top less than a month old could get that damaged?

I have broken my bank more times than I can count.  Mostly for my children whom I love dearly.  They are the only blood relatives I have in the world that I have ever spoken to in my life.  I  knew choosing  unwed single motherhood would not be easy, for I give to my children everything with in my possibility.  I give them more than I have for myself for sure.  I give them my heart.  They are my heritage. My only heritage. 

I am very different from my mother in many ways.  My sister was born on Valentine’s Day.  When she was little mom made special her birthday. Bought special heart-shaped cake pans little ones and one big one.  She made enough little cakes for all the students in my sister’s classroom and the big one.  She celebrated Lisa’s birthday with her whole classroom at school. Me six months older in age one grade ahead of her did not get to even be invited to the party.  In fact, my mom did not even save me a little cake from the party.  It never really  bothered me much until, six months later in August the family was on vacation.  Not just some little vacation.  This was a two-week trip to Florida staying not in an RV but motels.  Eating steak dinners every day for lunch and supper at restaurants, breakfast every day at Shoney’s.  Well my mom is always happy on vacations.  I was so excited my birthday was during this vacation.  I just knew it would be so special.  I woke up that morning not one word of happy birthday from anyone’s mouth.  We went to a tourist thing.  I don’t even remember where.  I remember the gift shop though because it was late in the day and still not even one word to me of  a” Happy Birthday”.   I saw a teddy bear key chain in the gift store.  Nothing really that special but it did have my name on it.   I asked my mom to please buy that for me.  The cost was 4 dollars and twenty-five cents.  Mom said no that was too expensive.  I said please momma please.  I begged and begged.  Then I even through a hissy fit.   I screamed back at her mom its my BIRTHDAY PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEE.   She said no and never even apologized for forgetting it was my birthday.  That was that.  From then on, I realized for sure in my mom’s eyes there was nothing at all special about me. 

So for my children, I will break my bank and not blink an eye.