Thoughts in the mind of l0oree

Archive for July 3, 2012

From The Gospel of John


John 10:16 “And other sheep I have that are not of this fold; them also I must bring, and they will hear My voice; and there will be one flock and one shepherd…….
When Jesus walked the earth he even chose a devil as one of his 12 disciples—

John 6:70 Jesus answered them, “Did I not choose you, the twelve, and one of you is a devil?”

Also this is on my mind today because God told me that power and gifts given to me are to be freely given for me to be blessed and that is why sometimes it is smart to act dumb. That way some one does not try to buy my powers or me sell those powers. It takes away from the master plan of which it was intended for.

John 2:16 And he said to those who sold doves, “Take these things away! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!” The world today has not changed is even worse with all the buying and selling of powers, gifts . I did buy a psychic once it was the only way I could talk to one and I really did not even get to talk to her just fill out a questionair. I paid the 39 dollars cuz God miraculously put that money on my account now card.
John 4:20 “Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, and you Jews say that in Jerusalem is the place where one ought to worship.”

John 4:21 Jesus said to her, “woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father.

John4:22 “You worhsip what you do not know; we know what we worship, for salvation is of the Jews.

John 4:23 “But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him.

John 4:24 ” God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

John 5:44 How can you believe, who receive honor from one another, and do not seek the honor that comes from the only God?

John 5:45 “Do not think that I shall accuse you to the Father; there is one who accuses you–Moses, in whom you trust.

John 5:46″For if you believed Moses, you would believe Me; for he wrote about Me.

John 5:47″But if you do not believe his writings, how will you believe My words?”

One of my favorite Bible books is Eclesiastes written by Solomon near the time of his death about 931BC  He was truely wise.

 

Ecclesiastes 1:6 The wind goes to the south and circles about continually, and circles about to the north; it circles and circles about continually, and on its circuit the wind returns again.

 

Proverbs also written by Solomon:   16:1 The plans of the mind and orderly thinking belong to man, but from the Lord comes the {wise} answer of the tongue.

 

16:2 All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits[the thoughts and intents of the heart]

 

16:3 Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans succeed.

Mystic back then the dove was The very poor peoples method of sacrifice. They were making money of the poor cuz apparently doves were being used for economy stimulus back in the day and the rich getting richer off the poor that must have the dove for repentance to God.

They were robbing people of their salvation. Jesus paid for all to never have to pay for that one ever again with his own body as the sacrifice to all till the end Amazing 🙂

exactly Jesus made it fair to everybody awesome!!Believe he did that and Grace finds you:)You are then able to walk by faith not sight.


The Best in ME


God created me in his image and in his likeness. God sees the best in me when everyone else around me could only see the worst in me. Does anyone else have that testomony? When everyone else around me said I will never amount to anything that I am worthless that I am no good that I am ugly that I am stupid that I will never be anything that I am crazy that I am lazy that I am worthless. God saw the best in me. He is mine and I am his it does not matter what I did. He only sees me for who I am.

Wtc I do not ever feel like crap for one. For 2 anyone that tells me I am no good has even less good in them for them to even say something like that and it does not bother me except that they must feel even worse about themself than what they say about me.   I love myself and want others to love themselves because love starts with yourself. Your image of yourself is reflected to others. Your meaness that you reflect mystic shines on others to bring out that same image. I do not like that image very much. You seem to like it so be it. As much as you try to reflect that meaness on me it won’t work because I reflect God’s image not yours.  You seem to not like that at all and that your way is the right peaceful truth when clearly it is hate towards anyone who wants to shine a light in this cold dark world. You clearly state over and over that it is not even possible. You have very little faith and it seems like none at all.  Poof one day that image will be gone from this earth Mystic whether you like it or not.

You must see the worst in me mystic. I do not care. God sees the best in me. God sees me for who I am. God sees the potential the what I am to become and my heart. To God I am very beautiful. God sees the best in me. It really does not matter what anyone else sees. For as long as he sees the best in me one day everyone will see that too. God sees the best in me God is not going to stop seeing the best in me  unless I myself choose to say that is shit like you do Mystic. Only myownself can choose to deny God seeing the best in me because I was made in his image. God is mine and I am his. It does not matter what I did. He only sees me for who I am.  I am his.

do you even read what you write because on so many of your stories you say repeatedly that you see the worst side of everybody not just me. Was that the lies you told or this one you just said? Because you are saying one thing here and another everywhere else.

I hate to intrude here, but you’re both saying the same things. One thing: God is in everything, even in the anger and resentment and the light and happiness. God is everywhere, at all times. So to directly judge anything as right or wrong is therefor a misunderstanding.
To try and understand god, see nothing and everything. Then and only then will you stop arguing. If god is in me, then god is in you and every other person. I don’t know the rest of this disagreement, but it’s obvious that you both understand each other, just on different levels.

Right on Toto82, only God truly sees the right and wrong. That is why I say I am God’s not anyone elses. God sees clearly where I do not and others do not. I want to reflect the good that God sees not what anyone else thinks is good including myself. Not even what I think is good. I want to be what God thinks is good.  lol I hate arguing. Arguing seems to follow me today. Have you ever had one of those days?

Mystic I have told you repeatedly that I am not all good. I have bad in me too.  I do not know what you are talking about. But from what I read is that you say that you like the bad part of yourself and I am not mad at you for that. If you do then good for you but I try to be the good in me and not the bad.  Why you think that is so bad of me I don’t understand. Because I do not try to change you for what you want to be and are. I am not you Mystic I am me. I do not control anything but me and I say that I want to be good. I do not want to be bad. And yes Mystic I am bad sometimes I have been to court so many times I can’t even count em.  I have openly spoken about some of the times. Do I like to go to court? No I don’t. Do I like to go to jail? No I don’t. Will I go to jail again? Who knows but I will try not too. I love myself enough to try not too. I love my children enough to try not too. I prefer to be more good than bad.

 


God Is Love:)


The title says it all. You can take the truth or leave it. Some peeps take the truth and leave it. Some peeps take the truth and twist it. Some peeps take the truth and deny it. I take the truth and keep it. I know my truth. God knows my truth. I am me and you are you. You know your own truth and what you do with it. That is your business not mine. NO matter how many times someone tells me I am lying I know the truth of my own mind body and spirit. Only God knows the thoughts and intents of the heart.
Not only is everything I have said the truth it is all documented and could be proven in a court of law without any doubt of any of it. Not only documented also videotaped and recorded. Each time I have needed a witness in my life God provided one. God is my provider, my shelter and my strength.
You are welcome to do whatever you want with the truth of my words take it and do whatever. That is called free choice.
Peace,love, happiness to all.

Thankyou Anachel :)))))

 

I am not trying to prove anything although that might be a talent of mine. I did do very good at analytical geometry.  Most of my life like up until my adult years I have not used my talents for much of anything and even tried to make out like I do not have any because I was always called crazy by my own mom without me even telling her about the things I can do.  What is a hidden talent good for? So I do not hide them anymore but most of what I do I just do it and keep it to myself. Because fame and fortune is not what I want from it. I truly love others and want that happiness period and that is the most wonderful blessing to me more than anything else.  My talents are scary sometimes because it is so powerful plus I do not want to makes things worse for others only better. I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love

The not wanting to make things worse for people part is the reason why I am slow to do my duty I have patience because that is when the best duty comes forth. Its not that I am contemplating doing something wrong or doing something right like good vs. evil. It is not contemplating really anything it is just that I do things when it is the time to do it. Moving too fast can stop everything. take my son’s question to me for instance. Two years ago on our way to a movie my son asked me if time is the y axis and distance is the x axis and time and distance correlate example the farther  you go the more time it takes to get there,  does infinity stop time? Is is possible to go so fast everything stops? Can I go so far that when I come back nothing not even time has changed? Is it possible to come back before it even started? I just told him I do not think anyone has ever gone that fast before.


With God All Things Are Possible


This is a comment deleted from the story The Abused by MysticRage:
I was abused but I do not see that as a reason for wanting to be an incarnated angel. I do not think that has anything to do with that. I love my enemies as I love myself. I love myself alot. I do not think I have a choice in being the soul God made me. I am what I am. There must be a reason why God himself showed me I am incarnated. I do not know the reason yet. I prefer not to even worry or wonder about it much because I know in my heart when it is time I will know. Give and it shall be given unto you press down shaken together and running over. I realize my enemies do not have much love to give. The reason because they do not give much love. Am I mad about that no. You can not beat love into someone only give them love to recieve the press down shaken together running over love back.

This  enemies I was writing about are the abusers the ones that intentionally mean me harm. The one that tried to have me locked away several times without even once asking my doctor how I am. The one that took my children. The one that took all my things. The one that threw away my christmas tree because she thought it was trash. The one that clearly never wanted me from the beginning because she said so many times that when I turn 18 she was no longer oblagated to feed and cloth me. I love her anyway. I want good for her. An no the abuse factor does not make me who I am. It does however keep me grounded. I know I never want that to happen to someone else.  I am a very smart intelligent lady with a career and children that love me and I love dearly. I am a nurse in charge of not just one clinic but several.  I do not need or feel the need to be something that I am not. I only feel the need to be who I am. I feel the need to be me and that I love others for who they are and would like the same respect in return.  If that never happens I am not mad I will still love others for just who they are.

This is my reality. I can not help who I am. I do not care who believes or does not believe. That is not my reason for even being in this group. I am in this group because for the first time in my life I have others to talk to going through some similar things. It is not a badge. It is something that I have only shared with a very few people. Namely only others that have similar experience. Because unlike you I do not know everything. I love God and everybody. God told me in October to start talking to other angels I did not even know what God meant by that. The very next day I found this site straight to the Incarnated Angel Story of Anral by accident. Then I realized God meant for me to talk to others like me. I never even knew there were others on earth because before I found this site I only talked to the angels you can not see. I am definitely not weak. Someone tried to kill me before literally and I only got a bloody nose and two black eyes and my head that was the shape of a football afterward totally healed in two days time. God is my strength and my sheild. My name given to me by my birthmother on my adoption paper a Judge told me in court that I can use the name Doreen Van Assen anytime I want to from then on. I can assure you I have searched that name and my birth mom’s name Tillora Henrietta Van Assen many many many times before I even blogged or wrote anything about those names. I have also had adoption search angels search. There is not anyone in the world but me and her with those names.

 

 


Time For Love Peace and Happiness :)


I have wanted for a very long time for my children to never know how truely blessed they are. The reason is because to know this they would know what sorrow I have been through or someone else has gone through. Someone always goes through something to make your life better. The greatest love is to die for someone. Jesus did that for everybody.I can never see me as anything but blessed after that one.
Also this is so very sad for me and I cry when I see on television some little children eating garbage soup for breakfast. I ask why am I so blessed to never have eaten garbage soup? Those precious children go through something so horrific that makes everyone else in the world blessed to not have gone through that. I see that and cry and do not want my own children to ever cry and be sad. I do not even want them to see that ever. To solve the problem one has to see maybe? Maybe sadness and tears lead to solving a big big problem so maybe no one ever has to eat garbage soup ever again. That would be so well worth the tears……God hears a humble and contrite heart.


To Alexa: I Can Talk to Demons as well as Angels


I can talk to demons as well as angles. I don’t see them I think most likely because as a small child I had a gift to see bad stuff and sense the bad stuff all around me. It actually felt like it was happening to me. But like the next day exactly what I saw and felt would of happened to someone else. I was to the point it got worse and worse to when I was a young adult I would drive like 30 miles an hour gripping the wheel terrified I could see feel and sense so clearly death and destruction at every moment while driving. I prayed to God to take that gift away. At that moment all I could see was good things from then on. To me it is an improved gift. Like I said on a previous comment to the first story I now have powers not just gifts. I have spoken to God personally because the angels (the ones that are not incarnate) were confused as to who I am. Not only confused but other things as well. I am a member of the tribe of Michael. I have the ability to talk to the angels from the highest realm. I can also talk to fallen angels or demons. The demons can not hurt me although they have tried before. I actually had bruises all up and down my legs from them trying to pull me down before, and God himself held me up. It is funny how you mention October 31st because this is a special date for me also because on that day every year my powers are always at their highest ability. One experience during the october period God let me reexperience my life before being born on earth. I even reexperienced my mate before earth. We were together in another place as little children sharing our thoughts and dreams. The demons have come to like me as well because they know it is possible for them to change and a better earth is on its way. I do not know how soon but it is coming. God even gives angels and demons free choice. I choose to stay on earth even though God gave me option to go to another realm. I have always yearned so much for a happy family on earth because I never had that growing up as a child on earth. I could go on and on. I have so much to say because I just learned about there being so many of you on here yesterday. God now wants me to talk to many people not just one person. Please share your stories with me because I am very knew at sharing all this in fact this is the first time in my life that most of this has been shared by me. I feel in my heart it is time to start sharing. Like the song says Let’s get this party started.
To keep demons away I can by just marking my room with my saliva. I put my finger in my mouth and place a cross on the door with my finger. They can’t mess with me then. But I have befriended some. I have my home closed to them for now because I do not want the extra attention around me. They frustrate me sometimes. My blood is special too one time when I was in the jail cell shaped like a pentagon they put me in there with another angel but she was angry at me. She jumped down off the top bunk started screaming in my face. God told me not to say anything and she could not hurt me. I am not perfect and do mess up sometimes. I said to her I feel you. I did that because I was frustrated she was ranting at me screaming in my face for like over 10 minutes I just wanted her to stop. She was going on and on about children dying in Africa. The very second I said I feel ya. She grabbed my skull and slammed it on the concrete floor holding my head with both hands banging as hard as she could all around in a circle. Well she finally stopped I guess when she noticed I would not die. I lifted my head and just let the blood pour out of my nose. Then God told me to stand up so I stood up and blew out my nose the rest of the way on my shirt. I was bleeding so bad I could feel the blood about to strangle my lungs. I blew out my nose and then the bad chick jumped up on her top bunk grabbed some toilet paper and started soaking up the blood off the floor. She never said a word. I looked in the little mirror over the sink and my head was the shape of a football. I was told there were cameras in that jail cell so I am sure somehow this could be legally verified.
After the fight, the jailer came had me take a shower and I went to court in shackles and cuffs the color orange matching my clothes. The judge asked me one question what was my name? I said my name is Doreen Van Assen and my mother’s name is Tillora Henrietta Van Assen. The judge said I could use that name anytime I wanted to from then on for that was the reason I was in the jail because I told a cop that was my name. I went back to the cell this time with the same chick that beat my head in a slightly bigger cell. The mean chick had a comb and wanted to comb the tangles out of my hair. Weird huh? I was in the jail for like a couple of more days then let go. When I got out my eyes on both eyelids and below were blackened other than that I was totally healed. I went to a friends house and used some makeup and you could not even tell at all. Anyways all I know is my blood is special now because God said it was and I totally trust anything God tells me. I have four experiences in this same jail. All involving this same holding area in this jail. The first time in the year 2004. The next three times in 2007. Every time I was nol-prosecuted by request of the officer on all charges. I do have records of the nol prosecutions.
I had gone to jail two times on my name that is on my birth certificate plus one other citation. So this time I was walking in a huge open area off a gravel road. It had a big huge tree in the middle with a homemade sign that said no trespassing. This was at night. I took the sign down then walked up to an old falling apart camper because I was so cold. I put the no trespassing sign in front of the camper. God told me too to keep the demons away from me cuz they were everywhere and trust me when I say I can walk on them. I am that strong. I went in the camper and it was still extremely cold so I saw to the right a nice brick home with chain link fence and a rockwaller and pit bull and like a trailer park. I walked up to the fence made friends with the dogs in fact the dogs never even barked. I went through the fence and knocked on the door. I asked the man please could I come inside for just a minute because I was so cold. The man said no so I went walking back down the gravel road. All this time walking I was in flip flops. I walked so much in the flip flops I had a huge blister on my heel. Well I did not get far down the gravel road and a cop car came and stopped and asked me my name. I told him my name was the name that is on my adoption paper Doreen Van Assen and not my birth certificate because I had just previously been two jail twice once for stealing a dog lol I had just took him off the leash to play with him cuz I was bored and that dog was lonely leashed to a tree. And second time for trespassing because I knocked on a friends front door. This time the cops arrested me again for using a false name. I gave that ticket back to the cop when they released me from jail because the judge told me in court I could use that name anytime I want from now on. I never had to appear in court again for that ticket. The other tickets I had plea day on like a month later at which time the judge told me I was nol prosecuted by request of the officer. This was March 2007.
During the last jail sentence for the using the adopted name Doreen Van Assen was when I was tried to kill. She was not human trust me. She looked 10 feet tall while she was using negative energy towards me and God whole time telling me don’t say anything and she could not hurt me.
I am just so compassionate and do agree with the fact that babies dying in Africa is awful thing to be happening. But at the time we weren’t in Africa. I have strong feelings about Africa too because of something that happened to me in 1996. I was married with husband that did not work. I was working at a factory. My daughter 3 years old. I had a step son in 2nd grade. I had a nightmare of people bleeding from all orifices of their body. I awoke and could not sleep so I turned on the television and on the television was ABC Nightline News with breaking story about eboli virus in Africa. I was like God what can I do about that I am here poor with no skills? All I could do was pray and that is what I did. I planned even to while my parents had my children to continue my nursing degree and go maybe to Africa during my masters. Because you can do a lot on the computer. Things have changed and I had to get my children back cuz my mom tries to destroy my children too. Daughter was wanting to kill her own self. Son never came out of his room. So I got my children back from them now going on three years. 🙂
They are really God’s children for I told God before they were born they are his. Before they were even born I asked God to bless them with certain things and believe me he did with more than I even asked for.
During the time I became pregnant with my daughter I had not had a period in over a year.
Before I had my son I had even gone to MD for birth control because I was at the point in my marriage after 5 years of it about ready to call it quits. I had had sex every day for five years and never had but two menstrual cycles whole time. That was in January when I went to the doctor. The MD told me I did not need any birth control. Since the MD told me I did not need birth control. I stopped having sex with my husband because I was that mad at him and did not want no chance for me to get pregnant. In march on our wedding anniversary March 26th We had sex. My son’s due date was Christmas. He was born new year’s eve. He was plump and clearly overdue when he was born he had the fat chubby legs already and no verngo on him at all. He was born with the cord around his neck and looked blue. During labor his heart slowed down and completely stopped once. The nurses rushed in and turned me on my side and put oxygen mask on my face. I felt no pain at all because I had epideral and even felt good afterward. I did not have and episiotomy and did not even tear. Was one of the happiest moments of my life when my son was born on new years eve night at 9pm 1997. I get to celebrate the new year with my special boy every New Year. I am so blessed.

I posted this cuz you said you are going to delete your account. I wanted to repost your whole story then thought that would be just wrong. So I just posted my comments. :)When and if you ever come back It will be here for you again.

It has your name on it cuz I wrote the comments to you personally on your first awakening story.

The first time I went to jail was because I took a dog off his chain the cop came and took me to jail for stealing. The second time was for knocking on a friends door. The cop came and took me to jail for trespassing. I received all three jail sentences with in 2 weeks time while I was homeless in Hot springs because I had just recieved my adoption paper from my parents. My Dad right after he gave it to me threw me on the ground as hard as he could and said get out of here before I call the cops. I said go ahead and call the cops for he was the one being really mean. Well I took the adoption paper to Hot springs to be with my victim letter that said my father is guilty of penetration of me. When I was in Hotsprings my car ran out of gas. A cop asked me if I was on medication. I said yes and he impounded my car and took me to the hospital. I left the hospital on foot homeless without a car. I walked first to the house where I had left the papers for safe keeping. No one was home and I was bored and took the dog off the chain. I will never in my life again tell anyone to go ahead and call the cops if you like. After all these stupid tickets me in jail a total of two weeks three separate times. Homeless for one month. I went to hospital from the jail by order of my own mom came to the jail and signed to have me evaluated for sanity and locked away if possible. They took me to a hospital in Little rock then transported me to Pinebluff 70 miles south close to where my mom lives, then while I was there the hotsprings cop came and took me back to court in Hotsprings they found me sane then took me back to hospital. When I got out of hospital I called my landlord to come get me. Next when I went to plea day on the tickets that I received for all this I was nol-prosecuted on plea day. I have those receipts. Next I went back to work as a medicine nurse. I was a lpn at the time I had not take my state board yet for my RN license.

I do not blame God for my stupidity. I am not stupid for one to even blame anyone for that. I am very smart lady. I love God and God has been with me always. Number two I did not go insane because I was found to be sane not insane. Number 3 I was nol-prosecuted I was found not even worthy to be cited with the tickets in the first place. Like I said God is with me always even in troubled times.


Perception Reality Angels Lift Me to A Higher Place Closer to My Maker I love Them


THis is just random thoughts. Why would anyone try to discourage someone from being an angel? Hatred toward beings of love light and good will and people say I am crazy???????Do some people enjoy pain, sickness, sadness, cruelty, etc. so much they hate on the angels?  How can anyone change who someone is by just telling them you are not who you are?  You can’t change that. You can alter it anyway you like  change the body or what ever. When the matter decomposes it’s all the same. What’s left is what it started with. All the way down to the DNA. You are what you are. Love the being you are and other beings the way they are period. Does not matter what it looks like or whats inside it will be the same no matter what you do to it. The same with energy it changes form but never disapears so why would you want to try to make it disappear?
I also was thinking that angels sometimes appear that they think of themselves as better than others in reality they only see good in everyone and potential for greatness in others.
Emotions are that emotions what is wrong with em? If you never are allowed to get mad you never learn to control your anger. If you are never allowed to cry you never learn to not wail and cry uncontrollably. If you are never allowed to laugh you never learn to hold in the laughter at something funny that the person does not mean to be funny.


Power of Love, Truth, I AM


God can do all things.  Power is the ability to do anything. Power is all things that are God. The greatest power is Love. God is love. Love can do anything because if God is love then love is God. That is power then. God gives us all a measure of love. We are created in his image with the ability to love unconditionally. NOTICE I said ability. I am not implying that we are perfect. I am implying we have that ability to become perfect and one day we will. There will be a day when there will be perfect peace, perfect health, perfect everlasting. I am not saying that day is today. In reality for God it is today for there is no night in God’s eyes. Everlasting is something that humans can’t quite grasp the concept because we have never known everlasting. You can rest assured that when the time is right it will be let known to everyone.  The old souls on this site, I like to read their stories because I know in my heart they can grasp this concept way better than me for even though I am an old soul, I have never been let known by God my past lives other than shown that I have had some.
You can call me crazy or whatever you like but when God almighty comes to you when you are crying praying your heart out to him and actually changes the channel on the television just as fast as a remote would and changes the songs on the CD player not even in order of the music, I know without doubt. No one can change my mind about that. I do not care who does not believe that because God came to me not the whole world that day. He clearly made his presence known to me. I am blessed to be so loved that God almighty came to lowly little me.
God is also truth. It is impossible for God to lie. If God is truth then truth is God and therefore power because power is the ability to do anything and God can do anything. The truth hurts. It hurts your feelings because it tells the truth without leaving anything out. Kinda like my sister I love her so much because I could always count on her telling me the truth. Whenever I asked her if I looked alright she would always speak the truth. My hair makeup or clothes  I would always ask her opinion cuz she would tell me for real if it looked messed up, out of order or clownish. Then the truth only hurts if you deny it. I loved her telling me the truth. I just said ok and took what she said and the advice and fixed myself to be lovely in the eyes of just not my sister but everybody.  The truth freed me allowing much happiness and peace in my heart.  The truth will hurt if you deny it though. It will make you cry even. Like if I was to not take the truth of my sister telling me I looked bad gone out anyway peeps would of stared, laughed and talked about me staying away from the strange-looking weirded out clothes make-up and hair. Back in the day I only had handme downs, homemade clothes and garagesale items to work with unlike the clicks of the day with brand-name from the mall looks.  I created style of my own to the point I stood out only to become so beautifully admired by peers to want to be like me.  I owe that to my sister for always telling me the truth. And, me believing the truth she was saying.  The truth is powerful if you can get past the hurt and non-believing. Always believe in the truth. That is what is up.
God is the Great I am. NOt the great I was or the great I am going to be he is the I am. I love God unconditionally not for what he did, not for what he is going to do but for what he is The Great I am.  Love is the most powerful power because when you can love like that, it conquers all period. I love you for who you are not what you did or what you are going to do. I love everybody including those that despitefully use me. I know that is their reward. Their reward is what they got at the moment of the usage, which will later turn to guilt and the desire to do more harm increasing in the pleasure for the moment and increasing the guilt for long afterward and a continuous cycle unless they change which is very much possible. I look at that person that raped me when I was only seven and love them not because of what they did, not because they changed and stopped raping me. Because of who they are period. Love does not stop and start it is continuous. God is continuous, God is love, God is truth, God is the Great I am.
I say again I am not perfect by no means. I most struggle daily with selfishness. I ask forgiveness all the time for selfishness. Selfishness is a characteristic instilled at birth. It caused the fall from grace of all mankind in the garden of Eden. There is an instinctive quality you are born with to be selfish to survive from the moment you are born you live for your future. You thrive or not. Babies are immature and selfish.  I now try to share my thoughts, dreams and desires to everyone even in the face of the truth that I might be wrong. Because the truth will set me free if someone hears those thoughts dreams desires and realizes they are wrong and tells me the truth and I believe it. Therefore letting me become better than I am now not worse.
Sometimes I take the hurt like Jesus did because I am the one with the truth and others do not believe me.  I know in my heart one day they will.  Jesus said Father forgive them for they do not know what they do. If you know and do wrong that is bad. If you do not know you are automatically forgiven. Knowledge is another power if you apply wisdom with that knowledge. I believe if you are given much, much is required. Much knowledge requires much wisdom to go with it otherwise you just talking out ya AZZ.
Thankyou God for my many blessings:)