Thoughts in the mind of l0oree

Sheridan 1978-1984 Freewrite not finished just taking break:)


I know this sounds like fiction my whole “real” life but is completely true. I can relate to Jesus in so many ways.  I never realize writers had to come up with things to write about to make it “literature” My real life is literature literally.  People keep asking me over on this site where do I come up with my ideas? My source? It is all my life every bit of it except two post that I posted of my daughters college papers because I am proud momma. I love her so much. So If I flunk Literature class this semester you will know why I am totally Naive until last semester that literature is fiction.  This is how dumb I am in english I never looked up the meaning of literature before this year. Because I always knew the meaning of the word literal and thought these two correlated.

“1. written material such as poetry, novels, essays, etc., esp works of imagination characterized by excellence of style and expression and by themes of general or enduring interest”   This brings me to tears to learn also because this is my mothers favorite quote to me even to this day” Lori Ann you are just imagining things”
I imagine a world of perfect peace, love, happiness for the real peace not my mom’s view of peace.  Sorry mom but I do not like war, killing, abuse and hatred no disrespect. But yes you are the person who helped form my opinions by your actions. For that I have respect, without your devil’s advocate veiws I would not have anything at all to talk about which is not nice to gossip but these are not gossip the real truth exposed whether you like it or not I am stating it for your benefit not your downfall.  I love you as much as you could possibly imagine. Do you even imagine mom? Maybe you should try it sometime.

ThesaurusLegend:  Synonyms Related Words Antonyms
Verb 1. imagine– form a mental image of something that is not present or that is not the case; “Can you conceive of him as the president?”

create by mental act, create mentally – create mentally and abstractly rather than with one’s hands
envision, fancy, picture, visualize, image, visualise, figure, see, project – imagine; conceive of; see in one’s mind; “I can’t see him on horseback!”; “I can see what will happen”; “I can see a risk in this strategy”
visualise, visualize – form a mental picture of something that is invisible or abstract; “Mathematicians often visualize”
envision, foresee – picture to oneself; imagine possible; “I cannot envision him as President”
fantasise, fantasize – portray in the mind; “he is fantasizing the ideal wife”
prefigure – imagine or consider beforehand; “It wasn’t as bad as I had prefigured”
think – imagine or visualize; “Just think–you could be rich one day!”; “Think what a scene it must have been!”
fantasise, fantasize, fantasy – indulge in fantasies; “he is fantasizing when he says he plans to start his own company”
daydream, dream, woolgather, stargaze – have a daydream; indulge in a fantasy
2. imagine– expect, believe, or suppose; “I imagine she earned a lot of money with her new novel”; “I thought to find her in a bad state”; “he didn’t think to find her in the kitchen”; “I guess she is angry at me for standing her up”

anticipate, expect – regard something as probable or likely; “The meteorologists are expecting rain for tomorrow”
suspect – hold in suspicion; believe to be guilty; “The U.S. suspected Bin Laden as the mastermind behind the terrorist attacks”
Based on WordNet 3.0, Farlex clipart collection. © 2003-2012 Princeton University, Farlex Inc.”
  • ===========================================
You imagine what you desire and it becomes a reality.  You think seriously on how to do bad. I have heard you countless times “well I oughta””Let me just put a stop to” “this is what you tell them” “this is just a white lie” “Daddy does not know I have this money” “this is not the real balance in the checkbook” I have heard you caculate how to do people meaness. You plan things out to  bring about saddness in someone’s life then sit back and laugh and brag that someone you do not like gets hurt or not doing good.  “you get what you deserve” “Haha””Be sure your sins will find you out” NONE of these things are nice mom these are the things to be repenting of not bragging about.   When you fill your brain full of good thoughts like philipians 4:8 whatsoever things are honest, pure, just, of good report ——well when you think of this, this will become your desires. If you truly love God, he gives you these desires. If you believe in this that is faith and it can move a mountain if your heart is right and at least the size of a mustard seed.
 I thankyou also for taking me to Missionettes as a child for I have said this prayer everynight since fourteen years old before I go to bed at night.  Phillipians 4:8 was the last thing I got to learn as a missionette before you totally stopped the program at the church.
  •  ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I moved to Sheridan the spring toward the ending second grade. May 1978 only 2 weeks left in the school year I had already learned cursive writing by then they hadn’t. They had learned multiplication and division.  I had not. In two weeks, I learned it so well that I have always excelled in math.  Advanced classes and put in algebra I in the 8th grade. During this first two weeks of starting a new school I was pushed down on the play ground due to my color back then I tanned with my sister in the sun everyday so yes I was darker than a lot of blacks in those days. I went to the nurse and she cleansed my knee.  I was so excited at the time to learn the math I knew I would be alright as long as I spend recess alone. Things went a little better due to I am adopted into a german family. I was very blessed to have my blonde hair hazel eyed sister only 6 months younger and in 1st grade at the time, or I am sure the push downs on the playground would of lasted longer.   I had not one friend while at school though, until 8th grade 1983. Theresa Larson I shall never forget her.    I spent every overnight day I could at her house.  Her dad is the owner of whiterock so at her house back in the day when MTV first hit television she had this.  We would sit up all night long watching cable television on MTV.  I never knew what cable tv was until I met her. We listened to Boy George, Duran Duran, Cindy Lauper, Madonna, Prince you had every album.   This school goes strictly by test scores and grades to be placed in the advance classes.  

—————————————————-

 The sex part of the abuse started this year 1978. The snuggling was all it was until this year. Until this year I thought, my Dad was the greatest man alive despite his authoritative voice from being a Marine Master Sergeant for 24 years straight home from the war. I was always a Daddy’s girl. I have always been his favorite before and after the abuse. I love my father even after the abuse for I know and realize even then that war could drive a person crazy. From all the war movies I sat and watched with my father I knew this. He never spoke of the war but watched every movie(<–this is the movie I asked him about if it was really like this) there is about it. I would ask Daddy was that how it really is?( the man screaming is a master sergeant this is what my dad was after 24 years he has friends still in that were under him that became general) He would say yes only 10 times worse. I wish my therapist Mr. Ernest Wahrburg could have greeted my Dad off the plane.

SCHREINER, ANDREW M., JR. Synopsis: The President of the United States takes pleasure in presenting the Silver Star Medal to Andrew M. Schreiner, Jr. (1438592), Sergeant, U.S. Marine Corps, for conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity in action while serving with Marine Attack Squadron 214 (VMA-214), 1st Marine Aircraft Wing, in connection with combat operations against the enemy in the Republic of Vietnam on October 28, 1965. By his courage, aggressive fighting spirit and steadfast devotion to duty in the face of extreme personal danger, Sergeant Schreiner upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service. Home Town: Denver, Colorado

My father never discussed the war with me much at all just watched the movies.  I know he won this award and I overheard a conversation that it was because he picked up a live bomb and threw it saving him and others around him. He threw it off a plane.   He retired from marines after 20 years then was called back to go overseas in the war for 4 more years.   He is semper fi all the way and would probably go to war today if someone allowed him to do it.  Colorado is the state where my oldest brother was born (1958).  The family lived in Hawaii when my next brother was adopted.  He was born 6 years later(1964).    I was born in Phoenix and my family living in Yuma, Arizona when I was born (1970.)  Sister was born 6 months later(1971) still living in Yuma.    We were living at Chery Point, North Carolina at the age of my first rememberence when I was 3(1973).  I do not remember the move much except. I remember blue station wagon and going over a very tall bridge.  So I do have very slight recollection of the move.  So I would say very close to me being 3 is when we moved to North Carolina.

 Not only the war could make him crazy but this I did not learn until I was 15 when my Dad gave me a formal apology for the first time due to my Dad was about to divorce mom. Daddy came to me and asked when we divorce where do you want to live? I said without any hesitation with you Daddy because he stopped abusing me remained a great Father in my eyes. My mom was continuously abusive towards me. Andrew Michael Schreiner said, “if you live with me your mother is going to bring up the abuse in your childhood; I want you to know that I am truely sorry for what I did the reason I did that is because your mother never had sex with me after Lisa was born and also because you are adopted” I knew already he was truly sorry for what he had done due to he had never done anymore to me after the day of my mom catching him redhanded at 8 years old in the bathroom. So I said to my father ” Daddy I know your sorry- you never did that anymore. If you leave momma please, I beg you, do not leave me here!”During this time my Dad was living in the RV on the Arsenal for months, the house we lived in that was the nicest house ever on Crossroad(<—this is one of the houses on that street, ours was a 4 br rock and cedar 2 acre front yard) was up for sale. We were neighbors to Dr. Shaka Khan who lived up the street on Dyson Rd. Which I thought was the coolest thing ever due to the song “Chaka Khan”. I never met the Dr. but would always look into that yard every time we passed by. I would see glimpse of his wife with scarf over her head and a tiny dot on her forehead. I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. There are not many people in the whole world that can say they lived up the street from a Dr. Shaka Khan. 

 Chaka Khan    Shaka   Khan

 My sister a tomboy was a momma’s girl. Her being the tomboy I realize now must have somehow enforced my mom’s favoritism towards her due to her wanting her to behave like a lady so much for my sister would wear boy clothes and even go shirtless and in 1st grade get in argument with mom loudly saying,” if boys can go shirtless, I can go shirtless.” My dear sister was a two by two board figure. Somehow I admired my sister for being able to talk like this to my mom. I never had this luxury ever in my life. My mom gave in to my sister which never happened to me in my life either. I have always had to say nothing but yes mam no matter what or “Lori Ann don’t talk back to me”. Anyways that very day was a new training bra for me so I then very greatly greatly admired my sister for this outburst. I could not wait to train my little buds I was the most girly girl you ever did see in your life. Pink has always been my color. At age 14, mom ask us girls what color do we want our carpet in our room? Lisa chose blue/ I chose pink. My mom did the pink flower curtains also. I have always loved flowers so much. To this day, my sister can’t stand flowers as decorations so naturally she had plain blue curtains.

 ———————————–

yea this is just really the first sentence of introducing the town of Sheridan what this post is really about.  I want to include in this post the facts of this small white town in rural South at the time I lived there  1. a sundowner town until the year 1985 2. the nearest towns to them are predominately black populations 3. The tree capital of the world 4.  President Clinton was the Governor when redistricting finally made a difference in the black/white school system. I feel as though this is President Clinton’s Greatest accomplishment knowing the evil he was up against personally. 5. More successful suicides occur in this all white town then anywhere.  Realize back then that it was not allowed for news to publish minors suicides.  But a few are published the most drastic but during my years lived there suicide and death was almost a common occurance 6. The school and children there are buckwild and never listen to the teachers in class but always rank the highest on all test scores. 7.  This town includes in its school district even though not part of it’s county even the EASTend of Little ROCK students from grades 5th to 12th.  This is a very wealthy neighborhood. A two story house here is Gheto they have 4 story houses in this neighborhood.  They bused these students to Sheridan an all white town from an all white neighborhood in Littlerock Saline county to be sure to go to an all white school Sheridan Grant County 18.4 miles oneway and provided the cadillac of buses to do it on.  These buses back then were airconditioned with the flat nose and radio.  This whole time during these years were people redisticting and busing blacks to white schools and fights and etc to make sure fair school for all colors.  This was the current events on the Arkansas news channels all these years I lived there.

I want to do this in a way that is about real true events of my life(2/2012 post) like a biography with these real facts included into the story so this would be you say a book really.  lol the longest thing I have ever written was only 12 pages. This when completed will be thousands of pages prob but who knows.  That paper that I wrote the 12 pages made F on it so I am clearly not that great a writer.  Anyone is welcome to use this information however they like for I am telling my story of my life for the GOOD OF EVERYBODY:) And to God please give all the GLORY of my life.

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33 responses

  1. My dad shortly after our conversation came back to live with us from the RV and stayed married in a loveless marriage. My dad is a great father no matter what anyone thinks:)

    July 11, 2012 at 7:49 am

    • My dad turned 75 yesterday HAPPY BIRTHDAY again. I called yesterday and went to voicemail.

      July 11, 2012 at 7:51 am

      • He is controlled totally by mom-> whom dislikes me due to I am the only person on earth she does not control. Its sickening to me that she does this. So my Father stays controlled by mom for to not shed light on the past so sickening =he can never say to anybody I am the reason for this mistake. Surely to mercy that he realizes its not my fault because I am adopted that he penetrated me repeatedly 100s of times. I love you Dad for real and if you want to get away please get away from her. You have been forgiven very much long ago. I was 15 when you apologized. You threw me to the ground and said get out of my house you lazy bum when I was 17. So there was your chance to get away again. Please quit making me your excuse for very bad behavior.

        July 11, 2012 at 8:00 am

      • HAPPY birthday brother also that is 48 hehe thought I forgot huh?

        July 11, 2012 at 8:03 am

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    July 11, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    • yea this is just really the first sentence of introducing the town of Sheridan what this post is really about. I want to include in this post the facts of this small white town in rural South at the time I lived there
      1. a sundowner town until the year 1985
      2. the nearest towns to them are predominately black populations
      3. The tree capital of the world
      4. President Clinton was the Governor when redistricting finally made a difference in the black/white school system.
      I feel as though this is President Clinton’s Greatest accomplishment knowing the evil he was up against personally.
      5. More successful suicides occur in this all white town then anywhere. Realize back then that it was not allowed for news to publish minors suicides. But a few are published the most drastic but during my years lived there suicide and death was almost a common occurance
      6. The school and children there are buckwild and never listen to the teachers in class but always rank the highest on all test scores.
      7. This town includes in its school district even though not part of it’s county even the EASTend of Little ROCK students from grades 5th to 12th. This is a very wealthy neighborhood. A two story house here is Gheto they have 4 story houses in this neighborhood. They bused these students to Sheridan an all white town from an all white neighborhood in Littlerock Pulaski county to be sure to go to an all white school Sheridan Grant County 18.4 miles oneway and provided the cadilac of buses to do it on. These buses back then were airconditioned with the flat nose and radio. This whole time during these years were people redisticting and busing blacks to white schools and fights and etc to make sure fair school for all colors. This was the current events on the Arkansas news channels all these years I lived there.

      July 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm

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  7. Thanks Chaka for having this web site and making the beautiful music you always have. I absolutely love you and wish one day I could meet you in person. When you performed in Philadelphia at Penn’s Landing, I was there. You looked directly in my camera lens and winked at me. At that moment I almost fainted, seriously. I would like you to come to Alantic City in N.J. to perform again, of course I will be there. I love you and I am your favorite fan and you are my favorite singer since I was a teenager. I would love if you would write me back. By the way, your new CD is lovely. I received it as an x-mas gift, the best present ever. Chaka, I also have insecurities, plenty. So we have something in common, right? As I write this comment, I am listening to your CD and the words are inspiring. Many times I don’t like what I see in me. I am taking a challenge. I am 46yrs old and decided to return to college to become a Register Nurse. Wish me luck. It is very hard but I can do it. Yes, you are right. I can be “Anything In This Whole Wide World”. Thanks Ms. Chaka Khan for being such a wonderful, inspirational, positive and loving person and sharing the gift from God, (your vocals) to all of us and especially me. I personalize each song you sing and take it to heart that you are singing it only for me. I have been down a ugly road before and now I can look back and thank God for the strength I’ve gained by going through my trials and tribulations. I have made an enormous change in my life, bless be to God. I don’t have to run anymore. Today I see me, respect me and I love me. Now I know I can be “Anything In This Whole Wide World”. Thanks again Chaka.I admire you, I honor you, I respect your music and I love you. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year !! May God continue blessing, protecting and guiding you. You are still Magnificent and Magnificently Beautiful, Hot and Sexy,Sexy after all these years. How do you keep what you have and look as good as you do?

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