Thoughts in the mind of l0oree

Life as I know it

Positive Things in a Negative World

These are some of the positive things about me…..

I do not drink alcohol. I love my children. They are my most precious blessings. I am very smart. I think I am very loved by God. Because he hears and answers my prayers. Even though I am Christian I usually pray directly to God. I am a very good nurse with lots of empathy for my patients. Blessed with intellectual brains to get me through college during very stressful times. I was one of 30 chosen out of 400 applicants for nursing school. The stress I have endured in my life makes my life as a nurse really easier than most because this job that is stressful to most is not that stressful to me. I seem  able to make a stressful situation calmer. I move fast in life when necessary and slow down when things finish or like at a pause,for reasons like money, transportation, etc. I call this patience. It is truly a virtue that not many people have. Good things do come to those that wait. I am a mostly auditory learner. So listening and understanding come easy to me. I love music. . I am a fairly good clarinet player. I am beautiful on the inside. That beauty shines through to the world. I don’t argue with people. I usually compromise. Everyone has their own opinion however ridiculous it might seem to me. I don’t have to agree with it I have my own opinions.

I am to the point straight forward. Do not like to waste my time with losers, ( people who try to drain every thing from you without giving anything back ) I am successful because I am alive against bad odds. The devil must hate me. I see positive things in everyone. I model those positive qualities, Combine them and make them my own. I don’t want to repeat past mistakes so I try to see what happened in my past so I never go through that again. This way my future is brighter with less falling down. This is the reason history is a class.  Although history was always the one class I never did very good at lol. I always liked to watch the current events. History in its present form to make my life better for my generation. The news, tmz, current events that are never talked about in school. I loved to talk to my Grandma Ruby when she was alive. She actually lived in the Great Depression. Had twins told the mid wife after they were born I will pay you 10 dollars instead of 5 dollars. Put the twins in a shoebox to keep them warm. Punched wholes in the shoe box lol so they would not suffocate. back to me. I have respect for my elders even though I was so badly abused. I know their life had to suck really bad to take that out on me. Some things they went through I don’t want to understand. To understand some things you have to live through it and I never want to live through whatever made my parents so weird. 

 Another good quality about me is I am determined. I finish what I start. Might be a little late, might be not as good as I planned, might be obstacles in the way but I always find a way to get through them. I have a childlike heart. I don’t like to learn the hard way. I like to read the directions and look stuff up in the dictionary when I don’t know. I love babies I know they understand way more than they tell you.

I believe life is what you make it. I am happy with myself no matter what anyone else thinks. Through troubled times I gain inner strength from thinking good things about myself. Like I told you about me staying in my room. I would always exercise. Listen to music, write my thoughts in a journal, fix my hair and makeup till I knew I was pretty in the mirror. Did not matter to me what my mom thought. She would say I”m ” ugly, stupid, liar, going to hell, crazy, lazy, good for nothing” I would say to my self in the mirror just the opposite. lmao as an adult I told her ” I’m rubber your glue whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you”  As the mom, she is not the glue the role model to me. What ever mean things she says, I want them to bounce off  me and stay on her. One of my long-term goals is to become a writer some day. I made an A on every college paper written. The only red mark was very good metaphor. I love to write.

The Smartest Kid in the Class:


Will get some wrong on purpose so others won’t fail.

 They will want others to succeed even at the cost of not having a perfect exam.  My colleges professors would quite often set the grade to how many I missed on my exams. Whichever questions I missed the teacher would automatically count that question right for everyone.  The students would get quite mad at me when I made 100% and all else failed.  I thought this was unfair to my college mates who were paying for an education just like me. I felt slight guilt because I never opened my text-book and they were cramming like crazy. I thought it only fair that I miss at least 3 questions on a hundred question Anatomy and Physiology exam on purpose.  This way I still get an A and peers get fair chance to pass. I reckon even the professor  felt pity because he made another rule to throw out one exam of your choice.  I made A  on every exam so I had none to throw out. So he was nice and said I could clep the final with an A in the class.  Thank God because day of the finals I don’t think I had any gas in my tank. Well since I made this bargain with my A&P professor,  I also asked my college algebra teacher the same question. He had made the same rule that you  could throw out one exam. Also in his class on one test students were  allowed to use one notecard with anything you want on it. I made A on every exam. I always did homework 10 minutes between taking my children to school and time for me to leave for college.  I would sleep in class on the back row because I already understood what the work was for that day.  I did not want to interrupt class in any way hoping that everyone of those students would get the teacher’s point and we could all get through college algebra.  I really enjoy math I was really pondering the idea of taking college trigonometry.  The Algebra proffessor told me that I had an A and did not have to take the final exam.  I really want people to understand math. It helps with critical thinking skills. You can solve problems lots of different ways but some ways are shorter than others.  How to get from point a to point b the quickest way most efficiently with the highest probability of success. My son told me one time at the bus stop when he was 7 years old that ” mom sometimes the quickest route is to zigzag and not a straight line.” We were walking on a straight line on the parking lot. I was so confused does not take much for me lol.  He said see mom and started coming towards me like a basketball player giggling then he gave another illustration of a piece of paper he folded it in a zigzag shape like a fan then smashed it shut and said see the zigzag got there faster than the straight line.


Sleeps when everyone else is trying to catch up.

 Will show up unless there is no gas in the tank.

If you don’t show up you definitely have no chance no matter how smart you think you might be.

 Will keep their text books in the trunk so they can resale them for that gas money.

You must have a plan for success on how you’re gonna get there.  Selling my text books gave me money for the gas to drive the 30 miles one-way to college from my subsidized apartment built-in a circle where everyone on the porch had no money and played pittypat for change.


 Will not have to take a final exam and get some days off.

 Has no study buddies because they don’t study.

Which is way cooler than it sounds. I took my daughter to every little league cheerleader practice, every baseball game, taught her to do a cart-wheel even though I have never cartwheeled myself, taught her the baton, had dance and hair parties with all her friends in my living room.

 Listens to directions that way they don’t waste time reading them.

 Does not realize anything is hard for others to understand you have to tell us.

 I don’t even realize something is easy. I never took an ACT exam in highschool because I was dead set in my belief I would have failed it.

 When the smartest kid in class says yes I understand believe them.

The smartest kid in the class might have been beat to understand.

 I have no genetics of smartism. I was adopted. I am half dutch and half mexican. My dad whom adopted me is one-quarter german. My college algebra classmate once told me that my father was the smartest nuclear physicist he had ever met. See that classmate worked alongside my father, Toxic Chemical Material Handler Leader, at the Pine Bluff Arsenal.  lol I thought that was way funny. My dad only has sixth grade education. He was forced to quit school to help his family of 12 sibling out on the farm.  He joined the marines at age 17 gained GED.  Served in Marine Corps 24 years, retired after 20 then was called back for four years oversees to Vietnam.  He won silver star award.  During combat, he grabbed a bomb in the nick of time , threw it away from his comrades and saved them.  I was six when he retired from the marines. He then worked twenty years for the Pine Bluff Arsenal.  Then he continued to work for contracted companies doing the disposal work  of toxic chemicals untill age 74.  The man does not know what a noun or a verb are.  He told me he did not have to know because his lab top has spellcheck. He types with one finger and one of his projects was to write the manual (thousands of pages) on how to dispose of the chemicals, protocols etc…, He  invented tools that he can never get credit , because he works for government, to use to dispose of some of these chemicals. Well I said all that to say my dad is very smart man. And I wonder if he was beat to understand as a child like I was by my mother? My mom would always beat me with my dads marine corp belt on the hind end stating over and over at the top of her lungs do you understand me?  Me whole time saying yes I understand and balling my eyes out.  Please listen to the children and never abuse them, hitting them crushes their self-esteem. If I had not been beat, I probably would of could of took and aced the ACT.  When I finally came out of my shell age 19, two years out of highschool I decided to give it a try. I was living on my own since age 17.  I partied all night still slightly buzzed next day while taking the exam. I missed a fully paid scholarship by 2 lousy points.  Sometimes I don’t understand why I am the smartest in the classroom and do the stupidist shiz out of the classroom.