Thoughts in the mind of a scatter brained workaholic single mom

Validation Required


When you see a baby shout, they must have something important to say.  Listen to the children. They are way smarter than you think. They have no reason to lie unless provoked. If they can’t get positive feedback any other way……………validation required for sanity…………………..

I was always accused of lying about everything.  “Lori Ann you are lying to me” constantly out of my mother’s mouth. “I don’t believe you”, “your just imagining things” . These words made me ponder my every thought. She seemed to only say those words when I was telling the truth.  Another major statement of hers was ” be sure your sins will find you out”  My mind would get so confused and flustered.  I  shouted back  wanting heard, believed in.  I would  break into  hysterical crying fits sometimes.  Mom called these hissy fits.

 Eventually, all the non-believing she had in me made me doubt her more and more to where I didn’t believe in her at all.  How could she not believe me when I had living proof;  plus she saw with her own two eyes?  I kept all my thoughts hidden deep inside  never to escape. Because no one not even   mom believed  me.  I went into a shell.  My bedroom is where I stayed without coming out for years. 

Music from the clock radio soothed the need for thought-provoking stimuli. I  listened and dreamed of  love, happiness and validation through the words of the songs.   Songs put meaning into my existence.  While  listening to music, I felt normal.    Emotions,  tears and laughter finally allowed  independent thoughts.  I listened to every station every genre of music rock, country, jazz, r&b and pop.  Songs soothed my broken soul………In my room, I could make-believe a world of truth.  I listened. I was no longer alone.

  Lack of validation leads to no value of thoughts and opinions important to  life, therefore causing one to think why live at all?  The best validation to your soul is to realize that you are not alone, and there are others going through life’s difficulties.  The music rendered possibilities of resolution to  problems or situations beyond my control.      

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57 responses

  1. Your taste in music is admirable.

    “The best validation to your soul is to realize that you are not alone….”

    August 9, 2010 at 8:22 am

  2. Skyking

    Excellent article about validation.

    August 14, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    • Thankyou skyking

      August 25, 2010 at 11:42 am

  3. alchemynow

    My mother also had an abusive obsession in working to prove to me that I was lying. I have never understood how this fit into her madness, but it certainly DID! It was part of her mind-control regime that deprived me of forming my own self — except that INSIDE of me I knew the truth — but I was POWERLESS to tell her. Crazy making!

    August 22, 2010 at 10:30 am

  4. Your mother was probably projecting. My guess is she lied a lot and projected that onto you. That’s terrible for a child’s self-esteem.

    August 25, 2010 at 9:41 am

  5. I apologize that I have not written back lately. My computer has malfunctioned and best buy had to send it to the manufacturer for a new hard drive. I only have internet through my phone since this latest post.

    August 25, 2010 at 10:55 am

  6. IIymy Thankyou. Alchemynow something weird is that she never had proof. She only would just say “I know i’m right” I would have proof that she is wrong and I am not lying and she still believes the lie. She is so way twisted. When she took my son away one thing she had her lawyer put into the legal document was that I was unemployed. I never missed a payday. My boss gave me my sickleave and vacation pay. In fact the two years I worked for that employer I never missed a day of work for anything other than that hospitalization. Folissoftware my mom is so religious I think its got her confused to even know what a lie is.

    August 25, 2010 at 11:12 am

    • alchemynow

      Hi lady, and hope your computer runs fine from now on! I understand a lying mother. Mine turned the world inside-out when it came to me from the moment I was born. That was her sickness (she died 2002). Mother never tried anything with my kids. I lived a LONG ways away from her. What heartache it must be for you to know your son is under her influence. How old is he now?

      November 7, 2011 at 7:02 am

  7. This is why I chose along time ago to just let my mom be stupid. What hurts me is that others see her as very intelligent and me as stupid.

    August 25, 2010 at 11:25 am

  8. There was this one time though my son had my back lol. I was at her house for a visit. My sons play station disk was scratched and not working so I put lotion all over it wiped it down and bingo it then worked perfectly. My son then said to my mom see sometimes crazy things do work. He was like eight years old.

    August 25, 2010 at 11:35 am

  9. My mom was always belittling me to even my son. I was very happy at that moment that my son had independent thoughts of his own and was not brainwashed from the constant badmouthing of my mom towards me.

    August 25, 2010 at 3:48 pm

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